I know that I’ve been selfishly silent in the comment world and that may continue for the next little bit but I’ve decided to try and be a tad more mature and up front about that and call it what it is. Self-centered. Right now, my world is all about me. Around here we’re turned inward as careers transition and change, as we try to steal away for a bit of fly fishing in the mountains we hope to call home in the not so distant future, and as I work to create something that feels, to me, like art. Several times in my life I’ve had windows open onto paths I’ve been compelled to follow and I think I might be looking at one of those now, so I’m putting most of my energy there, come what may.
In the meantime, I think about you: panning for gold, talking baby talk, settling into California coastal life, bracing for the empty nest, the next tropical storm, the beginning of the school year…and I feel so fortunate that you are in my life, in this world.
Last night I dreamed that I flew West to take care of someone’s children while they had to be away. There were eleven (count ’em!) and I was extremely anxious about how I would possibly keep track of them all and live up to the responsibility. In this dream the oldest were girls and young women who clued me in and helped me manage. The youngest was a darling little preschool boy and we had a very reasonable discussion about why it wasn’t a good idea to drink a lot of soda pop. We went to the beach and I was surprised that all was running smoothly and everyone was happy and content and I thought, “Wow! Who would have thought that things could go so right if you just sort of let life unfold?” It was like a big leap of faith thing. And then I found an Auk covered with oil on the beach and I knew the bird had to be cleaned up and cared for before he could swim again so I wrapped him in my sweater and we all went back to the house and the children watched a Christmas movie while I started meticulously cleaning each feather, every little zipper closing on every single feather. And then the children began to sing Christmas carols. Silly dream, yes?