Thin cats are beautiful, but fat cats are adorable

Obesity is a condition which
proves that the Lord does not help those who help themselves and help
themselves and help themselves.

My muse is on vacation, considering writing a novel. At least she was, until she e-mailed the first line to a friend and the friend wrote back that she almost deleted it as spam. That’s great. I’m writing a novel that sounds as though it has an ad for Viagra or an adjustable rate mortgage embedded in it.

I have no idea what’s going on in my neck of the woods. I’m back in that space where I feel as though I’m overwhelmingly busy wasting my life away. I went to a live performance of Prairie Home Companion and listened to Garrison Keillor sing a song about sperm for Father’s Day. The cicadas were so loud I couldn’t really make out anything but the word "sperm" and it was so hot I did that thing where you remove your bra through the sleeve of your shirt and I slipped it into my purse without anyone noticing. That was better until it was time to stand up and leave; then I felt conspicuously underdressed.

So, at the risk of incurring the wrath of my remaining 3 readers, I’ll go on record as saying that Garrison Keillor fans are predominantly obese hippie farmers. Swear to Pete, most of them were bursting at the seams of denim shorts, plaid short sleeve shirts and sporting gray pony tails. They looked as though the rapture was upon them as he rambled on (and on and on) about tossing hay bales as a youth. Very strange. He had Andriana Chuchman from Lyric Opera singing "Una Voce Poco Fa" and that made it worth the price of admission and 94 degrees in the shade and cicada husks everywhere.

What else? We had friends come visit from Ann Arbor. The zoo is hopping and not just with the new red kangaroos. We biked down to league volleyball on the beach and had to cut through the zoo. There were at least 30 movie set moving vans, trailers, wardrobe trucks, and so forth. I think this is more of the movie with Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie and they were using Cafe Brauer for a scene. I’m not sure, but if you hit the link and check out the photos then maybe a year from now you’ll be in the theatre and go, "Oh! right! that’s at the Lincoln Park Zoo!"

Rich is the senior member of the company beach volleyball team. He was cute and sort of lame in his giant knee brace amidst hundreds of babes in spandex. The Chicago Sports and Social Club has over 20,000 people playing on 1200 teams every night of the week down on Lake Michigan. He wears the brace because he separated his knee playing volleyball 20 years ago but he looked like he was having fun falling down in the sand.

I watched him play and sat on the pier reading Zen Mind, Beginner Mind in preparation for book group. I’ll achieve Zen mind three lifetimes from now. The closest I come to a Zen state is when I’m cooking and I did that all day yesterday because I was hosting said group. Here in Chicago it’s a women’s group, not a women’s club like BCMA. I made gazpacho, pesto and bread from scratch, Caesar salad and a cold blue crab salad in lime chipotle mayonnaise.  Bellinis to drink and fresh berries with pecan shortbread for dessert. I enjoy cooking and get lost in the process. Satori comes after two hours of food preparation and beverage sampling.

Back to the problem of obesity in America. I am not obese; I have an eight pound fibroid and as soon as I get it removed I’ll be svelte again. And achieve Zen mind. Between now and then I need, I must get back into regular yoga. Walking and biking about is not doing the trick because I spend more time taste-testing cooking these days. Also, I’ve been distracted from my own fitness regimen because I’m concerned about helping McCloud with his weight issue. I was listening to a program on fat cats and the veterinarian said that 4 pounds of overweight in a cat is like 45 pounds of overweight in a person. I think that means McCloud is at least 100# overweight. Look at him! Keep in mind that he is taking up an entire sofa section in the photo. His paw measures three inches across. He may be too big to gain entrance to Friday’s Ark. It’s possible he, too, is having hormone issues- he has started carrying around balls of wool while yowling. It used to be one or two a week and now he’s escalated to six or seven skeins of wool each day. He seems to prefer Noro Iro, 75% wool and 25% silk in 120 meter hanks- the size of small rabbits.


Lest this post be devoid of all substance I have a very fine video link for you. Parts of the Midwest are currently under siege and I decided I needed to know a bit more about this 17 year phenomena so here you go: Cicadas. I’ve been looking closely at them these past few days and although I haven’t seen any with the blue-eyed mutation, they’re still pretty cool, in a buggy sort of way. Oh. I think the title of my novel is going to be Life At the Surface.


21 responses to “Thin cats are beautiful, but fat cats are adorable

  1. Awesome cicada picture! McCloud is the cutest fat boy ever. I like a cat with some meat on his bones.

    Hmmm. An 8-lb fibroid? Does that mean that your procedure will have to be done through an abdominal incision? You’ll be laid up a little longer than I will.

  2. Well, no. That was a bit of an hysterical exaggeration. I suspect a pound of excess weight could be chalked up to this hormonal stuff. The other 5-7 are on me, literally. And no, we are not going the abdominal route. No. Not gonna do it. It wouldn’t be prudent. However, with luck, I’ll lose my appetite for 24-36 hours.

  3. This Cicada video was awesome, for lack of a better word. I love it when the new, shimmering wings unfold and promise flight.

    McCloud IS Adorable.

  4. I love McCloud the way he is. I was so glad I had some fat when I fell flat on my face and everything else when I was at my son’s in April. Sarah’s vet said that Tucker would have been easier to sew back together if he had had a little more flesh.

  5. That cat looks utterly happy, so big deal on the weight. If I were a feline, I would convince myself that it was mostly all FUR. As a human, I have to admit that I need to lose the same amount as you. Maybe I should schedule my colonscopy; that could help. However, looking at photos of me thinner makes me realize that my face looks way better now, but not my body. I am gaunt when I weigh what I think I should.(but look way better in my clothes) What to do?

  6. I must take issue with McCloud bashing…. he is adorable. He makes me want to squish my face in that furry belly and hug him close and feel that soft luscious fur and hear those rumbly purrs…… If he has a very big paw, he may be one of the breeds that is supposed to be big. The Ragdolls look like tanks moving slowly through the house. Willow cannot fit in the standard sleep bowl and now weighs almost 17.5 pounds. But, she is supposed to. Nicky is supposed to weigh up to 19 pounds, but he was a runt and never has gotten over it.

    Will the fibroid be coming out by itself or with other parts…. yes, some submucosal leiomyomas, because that is what they are… can be removed without the rest of the equipment. But I say, why mess with it… take it out! Have you ever thought how weird it is to call them fibroids… which suggests “fibrous” tissue when they are really a benign smooth muscle tumor? No, probably only strange people like myself do that. As long as you don’t call them “fireballs of the universe” we will be ok!

    I have found a knee brace the essential fashion piece for the past two weeks…. and probably for several weeks to come. Speaking of knees. Were we speaking of knees? No? Well, anyway… my mom is still in the hospital and now will be there through the weekend. I expect they will decide whether or not to go in and drain the excessive blood in the tissue or not. If they do it will be back to square one with therapy, if they don’t it will be a longer process as blood breaks down and re-absorbs quite slowly at times. Hopefully, we will know soon.

  7. Maddie wrote a little book when she was three that included the sentence, “My fat cat sat on a yoga mat.” What was the first sentence of your book, by the way?

    Prairie Home Companion?! Not too much Lutheran bashing, I hope! I see that Andriana Chuchman sang “O Mio Babbino Caro,” as well. Margaret sang it with harp accompaniment at Julia and Mike’s wedding. Fortunately, she sang it in Italian because the girl in the aria is threatening to jump off a bridge if her father doesn’t let her marry the young man of her choosing. ;~)

    How can such a beautiful insect make such a racket?

  8. So glad you’re back. Where to begin? Loved the G. Keillor fan observation. Too funny.

    I say a fat cat is a happy cat.

    Your menu sounds heavenly. Lucky guests.

    I baby my left knee since I broke the tibia of the leg in ’98. I have a steel rod and bolts in the leg and sometimes the kneecap leaps out of place. The shock of the sudden pain makes me want to shriek, at the very least!

  9. A novel? Yaaaaaay!

  10. Your cat is too fat.
    You are not from the photos we’ve seen.

    Recipes at Pure Florida today if you’re still in a cooking mood.

    I’ll buy your novel if you’ll buy mine.

    I’m sure yours will be better.

    Glad you are back.

  11. How on earth can “overwhelmingly busy wasting my life away” and “I went to a live performance of Prairie Home Companion” exist in the same sentence?

    The photo of the cicada is spectacular.

    And tell McCloud to practice purring, “I’m not fat. I’m just fluffy.”

  12. Back again to say the cicada video is amazing!

  13. I would definitely read your novel (and FC’s too). Your writing style is so deliciously readable.

    Your description of the Garrison Keillor fans is hilarious. Long-haired geezers. They’re all over the place in our neck of the woods. Oh hell, that’s a mirror I’m looking in!

    Your kitty cat is beautiful, and so is that cicada.

  14. McCloud is impressively beautiful, despite his girth. But what do I know? I’m a pear-shaped cat myself.

    My human says she knows what you mean about Garrison Keillor. We live in Minnesota, so we can’t avoid him.

  15. Fibroids! Now why didn’t I think of that??!! Love that fat cat belly and your meal sounds delicious!!

    I love listening to Garrison Keillor, but I wouldn’t term myself a hippy. Howeer, an old geezerette – maybe.

  16. Your McCloud reminds me of my Samson! Samson is 15+ pounds and will let you rub his tummy all day, plus give you kisses while you rub his tummy. McCloud is too cute!! Like my mom (Beverly/Lacoochee Kid) said in her comment the surgeon did say that Tucker would have been easier to sew up had he more skin (I guess stretched by fat!). McCloud, stay just the way you are!! Adorable!

  17. That Keillor is something else. I bet he could write three-four thousand words about a cicada’s baby maker, which, of course, is just average.

  18. I would have commented sooner, but I’ve been digging in my closet looking for my denim cut-offs, plaid shirt, and gray hair dye.

  19. I love Garrison Keillor’s voice.

  20. Hey! I heard parts of that episode! When I think back on it . . . it was so much better now that I know you were sweaty and braless in the audience. 🙂

    Although, the whole image of sweaty, overstuffed, hippie farmers is a bit much. Wow!

    I, personally, think that your first line may be highly salable — after all, those spammers evidently convince a few people to click on them, right?

  21. I told you: I only thought it was spam because it only had your first name on the reply…

    I really did like it.

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