My husband went to Paris and all I got was…

A tee- shirt would have been nice. Really.

The disclaimer: He’s an incredibly generous human being; he mentors, he gives to charity, he works for the greater good. And he works really really hard. He provides for us well and then goes on to provide and care for others.   

The disclaimer: I’m sort of particular, I’m not the least bit interested in jewelry, and we don’t need anymore stuff in our lives now that we have recently gotten rid of all our clutter.


What the heck? Two years ago for Christmas (when I still had some money and a Wit’s End of my own) I gave him something really cool that he very much wanted: a Honda Shadow. And because I had a few doubts, I threw in the world’s most expensive helmet: he could bounce on his head from thirty stories up and the gray matter would remain intact. AND he has really great golf clubs. Last year, while I said goodbye to my own independent separate money AND to Wit’s End, he got a new fancy job that came with a state of the art laptop and camera and Blackberry AND a whole new wardrobe of fine business suits. I no longer need work clothes and I already had all the flannel clothing any person could want so I’m maintaining the status quo in the wardrobe department.

So. Things are already lopsided around here. I have about two small things in my personal stuff column for this year and he’s onto his 3rd or 4th page of stuff. Plus, I stayed home and worked on the taxes while HE WENT TO PARIS.

I am trying to take the less is more position on this. I am trying not to be petty here. Really. I’m trying. I mean, I would have settled for duty. Duty is not squat and it can be perfectly nice and I’m quite certain the Charles De Gaulle airport has more than it’s fair share of good duty. So, even if he was busy working every single second- well, there was duty.

Did he bring me a Cedric Brochier scarf? No. Did he bring me a snow globe with the Eiffel Tower in it? No. How about a nice linen dish towel with a delicate Fleur de Lis pattern? Ah, no. A runny round of Camembert? There’s no eau de fromage around this house.

This is what he brought me from Paris. He scrounged around in his suitcase, stood up and said, "Here. I brought you this." It’s true. He brought me four Q-tips. Count ’em. Four. When I looked blank and speechless, he said, "But the box is nice, yes?"

We looked at each other across the vast expanse of bed, silently, for a couple of very long minutes. And then he asked, with the vaguest hint of remorse, "This is going to end up on the blog, isn’t it?"

So, Bernadette. Tell me. How many molasses cookies does someone get when they bring home four Q-tips from Paris?

I know. I’m such a baby. Also, I’m just kidding. Not about the Q-tips; that’s really what he brought me. I’m just kidding about being cranky. This gift is, after all, for my "ultimate wellbeing."Qtips

23 responses to “My husband went to Paris and all I got was…

  1. Well. It *is* a nice box. But seriously. I hear ya though. It just doesn’t seem like too much to bring home a little something-something from Paris. And, Q-tips are not on ANY woman’s secret wish list! The Q-tips in the nice box might have cut it on a trip to Cleveland but even then . . . I don’t know.

    Feel free to be petty on this one.

  2. I think you can feel pretty confident that when he returns from his next trip to Paris, he will be bearing more than Q-tips in a pretty box. You know how the saying goes, “It’s the thought that counts”– The question is: What was he thinking?

  3. I can just see his gestures during that conversation. I must say, the Q-tips are the perfect gift for you. And they’re from the “Luxury Collection!” How is your supply of hotel soap and shampoo holding up???

  4. Well, I was waiting for a post. And here it is. You really need to save those Q-tips for a special occasion.

  5. Honda Shadow vs. Q-tips Francais …

    Boy, that’s a tough one …

  6. My goodness -in my current mood I should not comment. LOL

  7. What has me rolling in the floor with laughter is his final answer…. now really. Would he have considered the fact that this might end up on the blog just a few years ago? Blog? What’s a blog?

    I know that Q-tips are better than … well, something or nothing… or perhaps one of those complimentary post cards in the hotel drawer… what? He didn’t think of that?

    No, this means he MUST take you on the next trip to Paris or any place exotic. Not Cleveland.

  8. Not even some good hotel soap???? Gracious, Rich, you need lessons! De Gaulle duty free shops are like Heaven! He could have brought soap, chocolates, china, linen, purses, booze, etc.

  9. I’m guessing he didn’t come home with photographs either. This reminds me of a business trip IZ took when the kiddo was under 2. . .we were trapped in snowy central PA while he went off on a trip to Southern California and worked in a day trip to Disneyland. His excuse? “But you don’t like Disneyland.” Right. Joy.

    I definitely think you could milk this for a nice spa visit for a day or two. 😀

  10. You know, I can’t really think of anything I would want from Paris. And that is a cool box. Leave it on a coffee table and it would make a good conversation piece.

    Maybe I would want something from The Louvre (isn’t that the building with all the paintings?), but I’m not sure what you could get from there that would be legal to take.

  11. Woah. Was he ever being thoughtful by not bringing something more to clutter up that lovely new place you are living. What a wonderful and thoughtful man. 😉

  12. Oh, Rich is a Do Do Bird. ::laughing my ass of::

  13. Do my eyes deceive me, or is that a BLACK cutip? This is stuff made by Algerians, right?

  14. They are very elegant q-tips though. I love the box. Shopping in Paris is hard; there is so much to choose from. Was that the wrong thing to say??

  15. But they are Le French Q-teeps. When you say it with an accent, it makes it all better.

  16. I once brought some beautiful, smelly French cheese on the airplane from Paris to London. And no one would sit near me on the plane. By the time I got the cheese to my boyfriend’s tiny flat near Paddington station, it was so smelly that he made me throw it away–before I even walked into his flat. Nice gesture, though, right?

  17. We need to talk. My husband is working on buying his sixth motorcycle. We had to buy a shed to store them all. But, when I mention a second horse, he goes through the ceiling! Says I can’t ride more than one at a time. Like he can ride 6 motocyles. We’d be rich and he’s be in the circus! Loved your post and all these funny comments. You make me smile.

  18. Vicki, I started out giggling but my laughter got louder and louder as the post went on… My dogs put their chins on my lap wondering if I was OK. HEY, ISN’T THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS? I have tears running down my face and I thank you for a belly laugh when I needed it the most.

    YOU are a ray of sunshine needed on a cloudy day. The man loves you. No doubt.

  19. Bernadette has deserted us. I will say, however, that you should treat him to a molasses cookie or two, but no *fancy* molasses cookies.

  20. Those aren’t just Q-tips! They’re fancy French cotton buds – read the box! How very thoughtful of him. Hey – he came to you, that’s what counts, right?

  21. Um… they look like joints to me. Did you try smoking them? I’m pretty sure you’d be blazed if you’d tried. He’s probably waiting for you to spark those bad boys up and rock his world.

    Wear the cheerleader outfit when you do.

  22. Living in a RV we have little room for gifts on event days so if we need new hiking boots to go geocaching we say “this is our anniversary gift to each other”. However, I miss the idea of gifts and no matter how necessary, Q-tips do not fall into the category of gifts. No way, no how.

    A picture of Rich’s face when he said “this is going to end up in the blog, isn’t it?” would have been priceless.

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