Got an itch?

After a couple days of intensive planting, mulching, sweeping, power washing and general hard labor on the home front, things are sort of falling into place around here. After that dust had settled, clean up was a challenge. The worst was the way it coated the screens on the porch- what a mess. Wetting it turned the stuff to a red paste. There has got to be a better way to cut bricks in the first place.

Today, taking a cue from Miz S., I invested the bit of free time I had in self- care rather than posting and visiting. I could no longer get my own heels clean so I went  over to the local Vietnamese run salon recommended by Laawry, the gay gardener. "Whaay, honey, thay’all make your feet feel lak silk and it’s sooo cheap, too!" He was also pushing me towards the 4.95 haircut (10.00 extra for color) but I declined. No matter how high the endorsement, at some point you get what you pay for. So I settled for the 12.00 pedicure in the "special massage spa chair." 

The chair experience alone was worth the 12.00. This was not your run of the mill vibrating chair. I swear to you, the chair grabs the back of your head and starts kneading and works all the way down. Then it goes into Swedish mode and pounds up and down for a while. It gyrates and pummels for about another ten minutes and ends up grabbing you by the neck again and giving you a good shake. I was getting very anxious about this woman wielding sharp instruments on my toes while my entire body, including my legs and feet, seized and thrashed in the grip of this leather amusement park ride, but I was too intimidated to say anything.

This is a problem I have. If pushed to the edge I can go toe to toe with airport security but I have never been able to express any concern or hesitation when people are working on my body in a salon. I’ve had stylists dye my hair violet and cut it up like Edward Scissorhands and then stare with me at my reflection and ask gleefully, "Do you just love it??!?" and I squeal back, "It’s great!" That’s why it was so good that I turned down the 14.95 cut and color combo today.

The chair massage and the pedicure ended simultaneously and in that same instant she asked, "You want manicure, yes?" and blink! I said yes. So I had the 6.00 manicure, too. Do you remember that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine is at the Asian salon and they’re all chattering away in Korean and she thinks they’re talking about her? Well, the manicure lady spent the whole time she was working on my hands with her cell phone clenched in the crook of her neck. She said,"yeow, yeow, yan, yang, yeow, yeow, oin, yeow, oin" really really fast over and over. I looked away politely so as to not intrude on her conversation while I figured out it meant, "This woman will agree to pay for every service on the menu. Her heels were disgusting!"   The other person couldn’t have been saying anything unless they were talking in unison about how stupid I was. In the end, I asked myself "What would Mary do?" and turned down the bright red polish in favor of clear coat. When she said cheerfully, "I go mix hair color!" you would have been proud of me. I declared, "Uh, I have to go meet someone for, uh, something, at the, uh, at my house but then I’ll be back."  Can you believe what a total wimp I am? I swear to you, this only happens to me at salons and spas. Other times I am a sturdy and independent advocate for myself. Why, you should hear me cut loose on Claire, my Sprint virtual customer service representative.

Here’s the most amazing part. My heels feel like silk, my fingers and toes are beautiful and my headache from all that dust is gone.

Meanwhile, Sophie has at least one irritating flea. Maybe more. I can’t find it because her coat is so dense but she’s itching and I found a speck of telltale evidence on the white sheet. I put Top Spot on her and McCloud the first minute we arrived in Florida but she’s still itching. I need to consult a professional about the best treatment. I’m always leery of using toxic chemicals and back in Michigan a single treatment worked for the whole season.

I’m about to hit the pillow here because I have an early flight to Chicago,where it is very very cold and windy. I’ll be "doing the zoo" this weekend and Monday. I’ll take my camera and see what’s happening. Today I leave you with my friend, the Black-crowned Night Heron (Nycticorax nycticorax).  He has either deep thoughts or an itch like Sophie’s. I suspect it’s an itch.  (This is not the Green Heron who lives here by the Bay; this lucky guy was residing by the koi pond on Maui last year.) Green_night_heron

 

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12 responses to “Got an itch?

  1. Hurry back to Florida! Stay warm while you’re in Chicago.

  2. I was going to go to the nail salon today for a pedicure and manicure, but something prevented it. Your description of the massage chair made me wish I had not been kept from it! All that rubbing, clipping, massaging and polishing? I LOVE it. Have a good time at the zoo and take lots of photos for us.

  3. I have never had a professional pedi-just acrylic nails. I think I would marry a chair like that.
    Cute little itchy heron! Now THAT’S a good photo!

  4. Sleep tight. 😉 (and I’m with you at salons. I not only say “Thanks” but I tip too, even when the stylist has just cut off 4 inches when I asked for a trim. s i g h)

  5. I got a really good haircut last time I went, but it varies. And I’ve never had a pedicure, but need one desperately. I do them myself when I have time, but when does that happen? (my heels aren’t dirty, but they look reptilian)

  6. Perhaps he is sticking his claw in an ear.
    Michigan… cold…. no fleas live.
    Florida… perpetual warmth… fleas flourish.
    The recommended dosage is once a month… perhaps in Florida it is once every two weeks….. I heard one of the vet techs tell a client that they treated their yard and it worked better than just treating the cat, but those sand fleas… as big and feisty as some of those giant Texan roaches.
    Good luck.

    Chicago.. cold.. weekend.. is Rich going to the NFC Championship game… GO BEARS!

  7. “I swear to you, this only happens to me at salons and spas. Other times I am a sturdy and independent advocate for myself. Why, you should hear me cut loose on Claire, my Sprint virtual customer service representative.”

    Why has nobody said how FUNNY this post is?

  8. In response to Miz S – this post is hilarious! I’ve been visiting Asian nail salons for years and each time I want to learn their language. Speaking of salons, when you have a few moments from your wild schedule, take a look at a horror story of mine at

    http://marys-view.blogspot.com/2006/12/horror-at-beauty-shop.html

    The fleas are a headache. When I had three cats, I suddenly realized they were loaded with fleas…house bombs worked along with a dip.

  9. Mmmmmm. A pedicure. Mmmmmm. But I’m with you on the not being able to say no thing. I don’t know what it is. Sigh.

    Love the picture of the itchy night heron! That’s fantastic!

    Looking forward to reading more of your adventures!

  10. Hm, down on your heels, but nonetheless, you really nailed it. I wonder what the hair thing would have looked like. Have a good time in the windy city.

  11. “I was getting very anxious about this woman wielding sharp instruments on my toes while my entire body, including my legs and feet, seized and thrashed in the grip of this leather amusement park ride, but I was too intimidated to say anything.”

    Hahahahaha! And, like Roberta, I’m wondering what your hair would have looked like.

  12. I think they know we can’t understand a word they say and just work that to their advantage.

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