THIS is living

I’m up in the wee hours, sitting in bed, eating a Stouffer’s chicken breast and mashed potato TV dinner that started out at 250 calories. That was before I added the butter. Rich is at some NCAA conference and Abby came home tonight and I picked her up at the airport, happy to see her but cranked by the " Move along" police brigade so I was having weird dreams and woke up. McCloud nuzzling me for a middle of the night snack didn’t help; initially it added a couple of weird furry thoughts to those sort of strange hynogogic dreams that come between sleep and awake.
_________________________________
Night waking doesn’t bother me any more. It happens about once a week and it’s been suggested more than once that if I would just throw in the towel and take HRT I’d sleep better. For now, flaming ear tips, an occasional momentary episode of psychotic rage and an opportunity to be up at  345 am knitting, reading and eating is fine, thank you very much.
__________________________________
This
evening, right at rush hour I had one of those brief moments of rage
and I cut lose with it and, don’t tell, but it felt SO DAMN GOOD. (Yes,
B, I meant to say "darn" or the French equivalent.) I set off to pick
Abby up at Tampa airport around 415, got within range at 445 and the
phone rang like clockwork: Abby said she was in, waiting for her heavy
checked luggage from the long Christmas break to come off the carousel
and she said she wanted to drop her two small backpack carry-ons in the
car before snagging her big stuff. I snaked my way up the long line to
the door and there she was and she dumped her stuff in the side door of
the car and said, "Ill be right back." There are four lanes there but
three of them, literally, are full of orange cones and yellow-bibbed
parking police. These guys have all the worse aspects of meter-maids
run amok plus they are armed. Potentially dangerous. "MOVE ALONG! MOVE
IT! MOVE IT!" Policeman wannabes. Flunky drill sergeants. "I SAID MOVE IT!!!" And
since they are little yellow-bibbed power mongers they work
independently of one another with no cooperation so one is screaming
and gesturing for you to "PULL OUT! PULL OUT" while 4 more are artfully
rearranging cones, screaming at other cars and blocking my egress. "Ya.
I know who shoulda pulled out" I thought to myself…

All this
happened in the instants it took for Abby to open the door and put in
two backpacks. No one was lingering or loitering anywhere. So he
screams, "Are you done loading??? MOVE OUT!!" so I pulled out,
calculated the odds of jail time if I hit a couple of his compadres in
bibs, and circled the airport SIX more damn darn
times. 45 minutes later and on the final pass, I saw Abby back on the
curb with her suitcases. Okay, so it makes sense you don’t want people
idling there for 45 minutes while the baggage handlers are on dinner
break or strike or sifting through undies for electronics- whatever. I
get that. But this time, Abby is rolling her luggage and has her hand
on the door of the car and this same little bully wiener screams, "MOVE
IT!" one time too many at moi.

I lean out and say, voice
slightly exasperated, "I’m loading!" He screams, "MOVE IT!" (His
vocabulary is limited.) I say, loudly, "I’M LOADING!" as Abby is
literally putting her bags into the car on the curb side. And he says, all nasty and sarcastic,
"ARE YOU DONE LOADING YET?" That was the straw, my friends.

I
have cut down my swearing to virtually none. Well, essentially, very
little in the past two years. I no longer swear except for very special
occasions. And this was one. He had his little scrunched up pug-nosed
bully face just a little too close to my car window for my liking. I
screamed, "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I’M FINISHED LOADING, ASSHOLE???? LOOK. LOOK
AND THINK. SEE WHAT SHE IS DOING OVER THERE RATHER THAN SCREAM AT ME!
AND GET A REAL JOB, YOU STUPID OVERGROWN CROSSING GUARD!"

I forgot he
had a gun. Didn’t matter. His face expanded like a purple dirigible and
bubbles started coming out of his mouth and then foam and my daughter,
who has been known to be so embarrassed by her mother she wants to melt
away, whispered, "You GO, mom. Tell him!" He screamed "MOVE THIS
VE-HICKLE!" and tripped backwards over three orange cones one of his
less than observant cohorts had plunked behind him. I yelled, "Stay
down til some one runs you over!", waved and took off.

Lordie, that was fun.
_____________________________________
One
problem with Stouffer’s frozen entrees is that at my
age and with the humidity in Florida, there’s a slight issue with
fluid retention. I have very low blood pressure but still my fingers
take on a snausage like quality and I figure this edema can’t be
localized in just my fingers. I think I get extra fluid and pressure on
my brain stem, too. You?
________________________________________
So, I went to see Laura at Somewhere in NJ
because she is hosting, "Good Planets" photo essay this week and I like
seeing what people view as the very best parts of the planet earth.
Check it out.

And the other blog I went to see tonight was this one,
recommended by the linkage queen, Michelle. I rarely add a new blog to
the list I read regularly but this one is a new surefire daily read for
me. Smart, smart, smart and funny- and it only takes 10 seconds. None
of this blithering blogging stuff there. Check her out. You’ll be glad.
Then you can send that link to all your college Starter People and they
will think it clever, too.
_________________________________________
Back
later today with pictures of furniture, upholstery fabric you can help
me choose, and maybe some manatees. I left my Yellow Crowned Night
Heron at Good Planets. And now, with a tummy full of comfort food and
the cats back to sleep, well, sweet dreams.

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24 responses to “THIS is living

  1. I, too, did not sleep well last night. I awoke repeatedly and looked at the clock, only to see that the night had barely progressed. I finally rose and 3:30 and got online. Bliss!

    The link to that 10-minute blog doesn’t seem to work for me.

  2. Works now- thanks for the heads up. Night time quiet can be very peaceful- maybe tomorrow you’ll sleep better.

  3. HA! I am in awe of your Woman Rage.

    Also, I am loving how much you are posting and flitting around on the Internet. I see you here, I see you there. It makes me happy.

    I’ll come back later to see the pictures.

  4. That’s why I always park at the Tampa airport. When I took my kids back at Christmas, we found a spot right by the elevator, only I didn’t notice which color. They were flying Southwest, so it was red…When I left them, I went up the red elevator, looked for my car and it wasn’t there. I went to a different level, although I knew we had parked on level 4.

    Finally, after about a half hour of looking, I decided to look in the blue area. There it was. I truly thought my car had been stolen, or I was losing my mind for sure. I looked like some old lady in a grocery store parking lot, looking for her car.

    When I drove through the gate, the gentleman said, “That will be 1.25.” “Thanks,” I said, “if I could have found my car, it would have been free.” To which he replied, “One more minute, and it would have been 2.50.”

    So, Vicki, park in short-term parking next time. The shopping is great.

  5. It’s so good to see you back in form again.

    And thanks for doing what so many of us wish we could. I would love to have been at that airport just to listen and laugh.

  6. “Ya. I know who shoulda pulled out”

    I laughed for a good minute, Vicki. Thanks for that! Do you know how great it is to click on here and see a new post? It’s like dark chocolate for me. Now I’m going to check out your links.

  7. P.S. the somewhere in NJ link does not work for me.

    P.P.S. Have you noticed how much sodium is in the Stauffer’s dinner? That’s why you have the fluid retention!

  8. I, too, was recently pushed beyond the point of ladylikeness by a Keystone Kop at an airport. I actually SHOUTED at him. And it was good.

  9. I’d have been cheering you on too.

    Fix that link so that people can see your gorgeous yellow-crown.

  10. I got SO much vicarious pleasure from your description of the airport he-devil-man-guard from hell. Loved Ab’s reaction too. See you soon.

  11. He FELL DOWN? OH VICKI…. this is exactly the reason to carry that camera everywhere! The ultimate ending to the much deserved verbal assault would have been the flash of a digital camera in his face as he sat there. Be still my heart!

    And here we thought you were the mild mannered and collected adviser to all… you did advise him on what to do, didn’t you! Never mind!

  12. Sleep like a baby! Viparita Karani! Restorative yoga at bedtime!

    I also become molto agitato when someone asks me if I’m done with something after accomplishing a task. “Turkeys are done, people are finished,” I retort, making the perpetrator wither down to his very ungrammatical core.

    I bet the Detroit Mounted Police would have never treated you so rudely. Isn’t Stouffer’s still a Detroit restaurant? I’ll have the Chicken Croquettes, please. Pass the Vernor’s. What’s the magic word? Twin Pines!

    Blessed Epiphany, dearest Vicki!

  13. man, knowing you as the soft spoken person that you are…I would’ve enjoyed to see you do that to the tampa bay airport asses…I hate them too.

  14. Did you really say, “Stay down until someone run over you?”

    Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

    That just strikes me as hilarious knowing you.

  15. I can hardly wait to fly into that Tampa airport. Which overgrown crossing guard should I run over in my rental car? (it’s hard to trace me since I’m from out of town) Seriously, people do insist on pushing our buttons with their stupidity. They EARN our rage, as far as I’m concerned. By the way, I liked that cute little blog with the diagrams. Fun.

  16. I think YouTube was invented for jerks like that. Now how do you surreptitiously videotape a stupid overgrown crossing guard at an airport without attracting attention?

  17. I often wonder how many of us are awake at 3:00 am? I am. Very often. I tried HRT, but found out that I was Progesterone intolerant. Oh yippee! So, now it’s just me and the moon at 3:00 in the morning.

    I like how you yelled at the overgrown crossing guard. It’s a perfect moment. Can’t they do a little reality check every now and then without the attitude?

  18. St. Petersburg-ite wannabe...

    I want to see some manatees when I come down to Florida. You’ll have to show me your viewing spot.
    Those airport guards sound like real idiots. I cannot believe how rude they are. I fortunately have not encountered them yet. My kids usually park also when they pick me up. But I applaud your chutzpah.
    I do some of my best Internet surfing at 2:30am!!!

  19. YOU ARE SO AWESOME!!! I just wish I’d been there to see it.

  20. *snort* at “you know who shoulda pulled out.” hehehehehhhh

    You’re a clever one!

  21. Oh Vicki, just when I think I couldn’t love you any more. . . .

  22. Hi I’m here from Bev’s. I thought this was one of the funniest posts I’ve read all day! I was hoping you would tell him off!!

    🙂

  23. You made me smile….will check your blog everyday.

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