If only I got better e-mail

You know, I could put up funny little posts that would make you chuckle, too, if only I got the kind of e-mail Judy does. She gets word puns and daffy definitions and great one-liners. Half of mine require a sex change operation to be useful.

The other half are "sensational offers" to reduce my current mortgage payment. But I’m studying to re-take the GRE (U-M isn’t willing to accept perfectly good scores from 30 years ago when I went to grad school the first time- yeesh!) so I’m not so easily fooled.

Basically, the offer is to take the remaining eight years of my current mortgage at 5% and extend it to 30 years at 7.6% and lower my monthly payments by 42.00. Unless I would like to add 200,000 in line of credit, for which I have been PRE-APPROVED! and then they can help me save on my taxes, too. I’m glad someone is looking out for me.

Vitorin isn’t and BCBS of Michigan isn’t, that’s for sure. We just had to flip to carrying our health insurance independently because Rich restructured his business from a something to a something (don’t confuse me) and so now we have no prescription coverage. Do you know HOW F-ING MUCH VITORIN COSTS?? It’s 3.00 a pill! (That’s why I was under the bed eating a dust bunny last night.)

Here’s the deal: I have perfectly swell good cholesterol. It’s so high it’s off the charts. I have so-so bad cholesterol- but it’s inching it’s way up over time. I have an enviable ratio (it’s 2.9 with a little asterisk saying, "this individual is at lower than average risk of coronary artery disease.") But still- I have to take this pill everyday for the rest of my life. Everyone on my father’s side died before 66 years, of coronary artery disease. I used to wish it was just bad living- all that farm diet chock full of milk, butter, cheese, beef, combined with life long smoking habits- and that by doing better it wouldn’t be an issue for me. But it is. I have high triglycerides and a diagnosis of familial hyperlipidemia* and my internist of 25 years says yes,yes,yes, you must stay on top of this. My brother and sister have it, too. Exercise, weight, diet, not smoking- not enough. Zocor and Lipitor are cheaper plus you can get 3 months of those at a time but I take Vitorin, the one where your fat Aunt Martha gave you the problem, thanks very much. You can only get Vitorin 30 at a time- it’s probably one of those designer street drugs and I just haven’t figured out how to abuse it yet.

Anyway, I don’t like taking pills. It makes me feel old. I also have to take Synthroid because I had my thyroid whacked out along with a tumor a number of years ago but that doesn’t bother me as much. Half the world is on Synthroid and it’s cheap and frankly, it doesn’t seem to matter a heck of a lot whether I take it or not in terms of energy or weight level. I’m always lacking slightly in one and have just a smidge too much of the other and I figure that’s life.

So, as I was under the bed eating a dust bunny and thinking, "that’s odd. I usually don’t have this much trouble swallowing my Vitorin" I was also thinking, "Heaven help all those folks who are trying to figure out the Medicare drug plans. Or, who missed the boat and the deadline before they figured it out." What a disaster. I was trying to help Bud make sense of it and finally, when my vocabulary was reduced to his, I gave up.

Anyway, all of this is by way of saying, as soon as I get some funny e-mail I’ll pass it along. Meanwhile I’m working on one of those darn memes (Happy New Year’s, Meeta! I’ll get to it as soon as I finish the one Spook tagged me for in August!). This one is in lists of seven and my memory and imagination is limited to 2 of anything, so it’s going to be tough. Also, I almost finished my story about my patient from many years ago. And Michelle wants to know about my C-section without anesthesia. Think of the material! And, to think, I just wrote this whole long post about nothing. Huh.

*I just ran spell check. Spell check would prefer that we have "familial harelipped." I’ll stick with the lipid problem, thank you.

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