A Little Embarrassing Interlude

This is what happened on the plane coming home. We got bumped up to First Class- that was nice. But we didn’t sit together- Rich was in 1D and I was in 4B. A nice, quiet (just how I like my seat mates) woman in her 30s was sitting next to me in the window seat. They gave us an unusually good antipasto plate, small salad and brownie plus drinks and then took the plates and there was an hour and a half of peaceful flying. My seat mate fell asleep, turned toward the window, slightly sideways in her seat. In other words, her butt and right thigh were tipped up in my direction.

I was trying to knit and I’d gotten to a complicated part where the sleeves get separated from the main body of the sweater. As we flew North the sun was streaking in the windows by her head and since it was first class there’s about two windows for every seat. The glare from the one right behind her head was intolerable so I quietly and carefully unbuckled, raised up and leaned over to gently lower the shade without disturbing her. When I sat back down I was horrified to see that I had tipped over a glass full of ice, water and a slice of lemon on that little console between us with my hip and the water was seeping down between the console and her backside. Worse yet, there were about 8 good sized chunks of ice and a slice of lemon lodged between her butt and the side of the seat. Highballfake_1

I mopped up the console top with those worthless little drink napkins and then tried to get some of what was running down but then the napkin started to shred into wet boogers. I was trying really hard not to wake her up but I had some growing anxiety that it was only a matter of time before the ice melted through her black slacks. As delicately as I could (i.e., I was looking really sneaky and perverted) I tried to extract the ice chips. I got about half of them and then I noticed the guy across the aisle watching me poke around this woman’s fanny and gave up on the whole thing by signaling the flight attendant and giving her the soggy shredded napkin and empty glass without explanation. Unfortunately, the lemon slice was hopelessly wedged down in there.

When the pilot made the landing announcement she woke up, shifted around and sat squarely on her seat- and the lemon. I politely let her step out to get her bag while we were waiting for the jetway to open and as she walked out in front of me that lemon was stuck smack on her backside like a tick on a dog. I noticed it was still there when I saw her ahead of us on the moving walkway to baggage claim. Oh, well. What can you do?

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16 responses to “A Little Embarrassing Interlude

  1. Oh.My.Lord. How funny is that? I confess I would have awakened her with fanfare and many apologies; but your way is funnier. Too bad you didn’t have the camera handy!

    Thanks for the visit. In ref. to guns, I am no threat now. I haven’t shot a gun since I was about 14, and to do it well, I have to lie down on the floor. Can you imagine a killer having to do that in order to fulfill his/her mission?

  2. *snort* You’ve started my day with a big old belly laugh! Poor thang 😉

  3. You did just what you had to do: You b**gged it!!

  4. BAHHHAHAHAHHHAAAA!!! Sorry…shouldn’t laugh should I? Who sleeps that soundly on a plane for Pete’s sake??

  5. BAHHHAHAHAHHHAAAA!!! Sorry…shouldn’t laugh should I? Who sleeps that soundly on a plane for Pete’s sake??

  6. if i had been across the aisle i would have been totally convulsed with laughter! it’s *always* better in first class!

  7. Vicki, I have NEVER laughed so hard at a post.

    I should give you a prize or somthing.

    I guess I’m a sucker for butt humor.

  8. You will definitely appreciate THIS story then! http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/content/articles/050613sh_shouts
    about a cough drop on an airplane!

  9. I am *still* laughing. Oh my gosh. And then did the plane crash and you ended up having to hang out with her on a deserted, yet haunted, island?

    Happy New Year! I am extremely jealous that Karl got a Christmas card and I did not, but I understand. He was very happy to get it.

  10. The picture of the yellow lemon slice stuck to the black trouser behind of the lady as she walks on the moving walkway toward baggage claim is hysterical. Are you sure you weren’t in ORF (Norfolk) airport? Off topic. Anyway, I always stick my little camera in my purse so there would definitely be a picture here of this…. with complete anonymity of the subject of course. Who needs a picture anyway, just imagining it is funny enough. LOL

  11. Funny – sounds like something I might do.

  12. Stuff happens. That particular thing has not happened to me yet, but is typical of something that would. Maybe next time I fly.

  13. Oh no! How embarassing … for her!

    I swear that sounds exactly like something I would do!! Whew, we’re not alone in this world! 🙂

    Have a great weekend!

  14. I would have been sweating so bad the stench would have roused her from her slumber. I always get so stressed on planes. You’re awesome for trying so hard!!

    Glad you got home safe & sound. 🙂

  15. What a funny tale. Nice writing, I felt like I was watching it unfold. (You didn’t get pictures did you?)
    …We can only hope that later she sat on a glass of ice tea so that lemon was not wasted.

  16. This…was hysterical. You can’t make this stuff up – it just happens. Life as Blog-Fodder.

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