The life of a slug

I promise this is the last post where I milk the tryptophan malaise for b**g material. Yes, I’ve been quite sluggish since about 4pm Thursday. But even slugs have a life.
Check this out: See?

(with thanks to Pharyngula, an absolutely fascinating field trip.)
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THAT’S MY BABY!

The Snarl is home for Thanksgiving and this was her first chance for a baby fix with Baby Alexis. It was also an opportunity for her to try on a brand new sweatshirt that I got, before I even had a chance to wear it. Classic, the way your baby takes over your life, isn’t it?  Alexis went home tonight, Abby leaves tomorrow back to Florida for the last 2 weeks of the semester and I’ll be left with my new sweatshirt. Thank goodness, because I really like the Mighty Ducks.Aa4Aa2Aa3
Aa5

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I have perfected the perfect post Thanksgiving diet. This diet is perfect because it will satisfy all your cravings, all your nutritional needs AND- if you eat this and nothing but this for the next two weeks you will lose 5 # by December 17th and then you can pack it on for a few weeks and return to the perfect diet for January. Then you’ll be good to go by Spring Break.

By now you are tired of the the weight and density of leftover turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing and gravy. It’s time to move on. Try this. Really- you’ll love it. As soon as I find a name for it, I’m writing NaDiWriMo and it will be in Borders by December 2nd.

The diet consists of:

Salad (Don’t panic- it’s extremely gratifying. Recipe below. )

Munchos (from Frito Lays, Potato Crisps. We must have potatoes, even as we let go of mashed potatoes and gravy with butter).

Green Tea morning and lunch;  Mixed drink at night.

This is the entire diet and you eat it twice a day. Have a banana and cup of green tea for breakfast.

Salad: Buy one of those nice three paks of Hearts of Romaine. Very little waste- what there is, give to the guinea pig. She is a prime example of longer life through Romaine since that has been her entire diet for the last 4 of her 7 years. It’s true- I’m entering her in the Guiness Book.

Cut the 3 hearts of Romaine into small pieces- about 1/2 inch square. Do not tear it into huge restaurant size chunks. That defeats part of the texture gratifying part of this diet. This is enough for four individual salads plus the pig.

Microwave one package of Oscar Meyer Center Cut bacon. This is enough for 4 salads (two days worth). No cheating. 6 minutes in the microwave does it perfectly on a plate between layers of paper towel. Less greasy, more crispy, high protein, reminiscent of Atkins. Everybody loves bacon. Cut it into 1/2 inch size pieces and use 1/4 package per salad.

10 cherry tomatoes, cut in half, per salad.

1 tablespoon shredded Parmesan cheese, per salad.

Dressing, for one salad. Multiply by four for two days worth:

1 tablespoon best olive oil
1/3 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1/3 tablespoon best basalmic vinegar
1/4 teaspoon garlic salt
1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper

Whisk,whisk,whisk. Toss all ingredients.

MIXED DRINK

2 oz. Absolut Vodka
2 oz Cranberry Juice Cocktail
squeeze of lemon juice
6 oz. Cap-10 lime seltzer or any other lime carbonated water. (No sweeteners, artificial or otherwise. Carbonated Water.)

MUNCHOS

1/4  of 2.5 oz bag (99 cent size)= 120 calories, 10% daily fat.

Okay now- this is the perfect diet. You have your potatoes, bacon, alcohol, salt. You have a touch of sugar. You have the zestful taste of lime and the crunch of good fresh lettuce. You have bulk without mass. It satisfies your taste bugs, your need for chewing and different textures, your salivary glands, and your craving for crunching. It provides a balanced diet of protein, carbs, fiber, alcohol and dairy- all in small but filling amounts. The evidence is strong that two ounces of alcohol per day is good for you but if you’re off it for good reason, stay off it and just have the cranberry juice and Cap-10.

Don’t worry about other members of your household; they can fend for themselves until mid-December when it’s open season on cookies, prime rib, etc. Just remember- they’re on their own again come January.

So whaddya think? Good, huh ? (As usual, the first person to take me seriously in the comment section, wins a dead lizard. Still, it’s a great little salad…)

10 responses to “The life of a slug

  1. How adorable–the Snarl and the baby both! Great shots, V.

  2. Potatoes, bacon, alcohol, salt – yep, all four food groups, check! Sounds fantastic, can’t wait to try it.

  3. The snarl ain’t snarling these days 😉

  4. A beautiful water baby and baby baby: What a delight to see!!

    Listen, that diet makes perfect sense to me, although it’s a little short on alcohol.

    Tell me, is Absolut the best? I gotta get some Wodka, and I was leaning towards Stollie.

  5. Vicki, I missed you when I was in PA. Thanks for putting up all these awesome pictures. Abby looks so much like you. Gorgeous eyes, great bone structure, and a smile to die for. And little Alexis makes me hungry to cuddle a baby. I’ll have to go bother Angie in February.

  6. I don’t know about the diet. Any type of potato, sans sweet potatoe, is bad….high glycemic index. Carbs are fine, if you do the low index ones. Steamed or raw broccoli, asparagus, green beans, yellow squash, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, cabbage, collards, any type of greens. Moderate consumption – carrots, limas, butternut squash, sweet potatoe. Complete no-no: White, red or other potatoes, rice, corn, peas, beets and most root veges. I use this for my mom who has diabetes and we can control her sugar better.

    Celery: Celery is magic. The fiber is so high the index is very low. In addition the fiber slows the stomach emptying and makes you feel full faster. The slower emptying means the carbs are more evenly sent to the small bowel and there is less of a tax on the pancreas to put out insulin. I give Mom celery every meal. It is most effective if eaten at the beginning.

    Dealing with the feeding of a diabetic made me learn all this. They certainly didn’t teach it in med school. Oh, by the way. The exchange diabetic diet the endocrinologist tried to pawn off on my mom is a pile of horse dodo. Complicated. Doesn’t work. On the low glycemic index diet I put her on her sugar no longer swings from too low (60) to over the top (300) and she has lost over 60 pounds in a year and three months. And I found out when she went to the hospital for her knee that the hospital dietary department (at least in this case) defines a diabetic diet food tray as one with packets of Splenda rather than sugar. That is it. No other difference. What a crock! Now I just have to put myself on her diet.

    By the way, little Alexis is sooooooooooo cute. Just love those little poochy cheeks. Too sweet for words!!!! TD goes back today and Nyssa got back here today. She is writing a paper here before going up to school later this afternoon. Did she have a good time in Texas? Hard to tell for sure, too much drama going on as usual.

  7. Ok…now I have to come up with a diet.

    I doubt it will be as complex as yours.

  8. Sounds like the perfect diet to me!

    Both of you babies are very cute!

    Did she really leave the sweatshirt behind for you?

  9. Your snarl looks so much like you, doesn’t she. You are all a bunch of beauties, aren’t you?

    If I leave out the vodka would I lose 10 pounds by Dec. 17?

  10. You know I’m a sucker for a good diet. It sounds like you have all of my cravings covered here except twizzlers. What can we do about that?

    Your babies are so beautiful!! Is that my clock I hear?? Damn it!

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