I promise this is the last post where I milk the tryptophan malaise for b**g material. Yes, I’ve been quite sluggish since about 4pm Thursday. But even slugs have a life.
Check this out: See?
(with thanks to Pharyngula, an absolutely fascinating field trip.)
THAT’S MY BABY!
The Snarl is home for Thanksgiving and this was her first chance for a baby fix with Baby Alexis. It was also an opportunity for her to try on a brand new sweatshirt that I got, before I even had a chance to wear it. Classic, the way your baby takes over your life, isn’t it? Alexis went home tonight, Abby leaves tomorrow back to Florida for the last 2 weeks of the semester and I’ll be left with my new sweatshirt. Thank goodness, because I really like the Mighty Ducks.
I have perfected the perfect post Thanksgiving diet. This diet is perfect because it will satisfy all your cravings, all your nutritional needs AND- if you eat this and nothing but this for the next two weeks you will lose 5 # by December 17th and then you can pack it on for a few weeks and return to the perfect diet for January. Then you’ll be good to go by Spring Break.
By now you are tired of the the weight and density of leftover turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing and gravy. It’s time to move on. Try this. Really- you’ll love it. As soon as I find a name for it, I’m writing NaDiWriMo and it will be in Borders by December 2nd.
The diet consists of:
Salad (Don’t panic- it’s extremely gratifying. Recipe below. )
Munchos (from Frito Lays, Potato Crisps. We must have potatoes, even as we let go of mashed potatoes and gravy with butter).
Green Tea morning and lunch; Mixed drink at night.
This is the entire diet and you eat it twice a day. Have a banana and cup of green tea for breakfast.
Salad: Buy one of those nice three paks of Hearts of Romaine. Very little waste- what there is, give to the guinea pig. She is a prime example of longer life through Romaine since that has been her entire diet for the last 4 of her 7 years. It’s true- I’m entering her in the Guiness Book.
Cut the 3 hearts of Romaine into small pieces- about 1/2 inch square. Do not tear it into huge restaurant size chunks. That defeats part of the texture gratifying part of this diet. This is enough for four individual salads plus the pig.
Microwave one package of Oscar Meyer Center Cut bacon. This is enough for 4 salads (two days worth). No cheating. 6 minutes in the microwave does it perfectly on a plate between layers of paper towel. Less greasy, more crispy, high protein, reminiscent of Atkins. Everybody loves bacon. Cut it into 1/2 inch size pieces and use 1/4 package per salad.
10 cherry tomatoes, cut in half, per salad.
1 tablespoon shredded Parmesan cheese, per salad.
Dressing, for one salad. Multiply by four for two days worth:
1 tablespoon best olive oil
1/3 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1/3 tablespoon best basalmic vinegar
1/4 teaspoon garlic salt
1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
Whisk,whisk,whisk. Toss all ingredients.
2 oz. Absolut Vodka
2 oz Cranberry Juice Cocktail
squeeze of lemon juice
6 oz. Cap-10 lime seltzer or any other lime carbonated water. (No sweeteners, artificial or otherwise. Carbonated Water.)
1/4 of 2.5 oz bag (99 cent size)= 120 calories, 10% daily fat.
Okay now- this is the perfect diet. You have your potatoes, bacon, alcohol, salt. You have a touch of sugar. You have the zestful taste of lime and the crunch of good fresh lettuce. You have bulk without mass. It satisfies your taste bugs, your need for chewing and different textures, your salivary glands, and your craving for crunching. It provides a balanced diet of protein, carbs, fiber, alcohol and dairy- all in small but filling amounts. The evidence is strong that two ounces of alcohol per day is good for you but if you’re off it for good reason, stay off it and just have the cranberry juice and Cap-10.
Don’t worry about other members of your household; they can fend for themselves until mid-December when it’s open season on cookies, prime rib, etc. Just remember- they’re on their own again come January.
So whaddya think? Good, huh ? (As usual, the first person to take me seriously in the comment section, wins a dead lizard. Still, it’s a great little salad…)