Calling Mamacita! Reverend Billy needs you!

Maybe I could get behind Reverend Billy and The Church of Stop Shopping if his message was a simple exhortation to stop the gross conspicuous consumerism that goes on between now and Christmas. What gives me pause is his horrific approach to the English language. To wit:

And so the Revolution of Exalted Embarrassment begins. The silence
of the products, the deep put-on of the products, is no longer the
monarch before which we grab and swipe and save and spend. In fact we
are belly-laughing profoundly. We are watching the amazed wandering
away of our hands. Our consumerized gestures have had some kind of
century storm blow through them. We’re just NOT BUYING. And why aren’t
we buying? Because YOU, CHILDREN, YOU STOPPED ME. And I am from the
Church of the Necessary Interruption and I am returning the favor. I
break you from your mindless fondling of the bottle of something or
other that you thought you would buy, you look up, giggling, perhaps
nauseous, then you pull away from the product. Can we even remember
what that product was? It was powerful and silent, and introduced to us
by happy famous faces along the walls of the streets.

Can I
tell you what that product was doing to you? It protruded itself into
your hands, sexual contact from a science fiction world that is ruled
by only one bewildering value: per-share return to distant investors.
But for you and me—that DO-I-BUY-IT? MOMENT is the last chance for
change, the stress fracture in the commodity wall, the nearly invisible
actual voting booth of America—and the only glimpse we’ll get of
revolution when revolution is not yet content for a product called
Revolution. Amen?

Revbilly_1Also, I’m a little suspect when he asks that, in lieu of shopping, we send him our credit card information to fund Reverend Billy & The Stop Shopping Gospel Choir’s Shopocalypse Tour. And who does his hair? That color job looks pricey.

In any case, I did not go shopping today. I’m still in my pajamas. Celebrity Poker is over so I’m watching important world news about Reverend Billy and sharing it with you. Frankly, on this day after deep-fried Thanksgiving, one of my grandmother’s favorite expressions comes to mind: going to Hell in a hand basket. Time for a shower.

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5 responses to “Calling Mamacita! Reverend Billy needs you!

  1. Oh. My. God. He needs somebody, and quickly!

  2. Shopocalypse…that’s classic. And my favorite word, especially appropriate on this Black Friday.

  3. WHAT?! Did any of this make any sense at all? Be afraid of this guy, be very afraid.

  4. i’ll second what the chris above me said. (the walmart “catastrophe” took place just down the street from our house … and made leno last night … i’m sure reverend billy will pick up on that!)

  5. Really funny. I am awed by his fearless manipulation of the English language.

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Calling Mamacita! Reverend Billy needs you!

Maybe I could get behind Reverend Billy and The Church of Stop Shopping if his message was a simple exhortation to stop the gross conspicuous consumerism that goes on between now and Christmas. What gives me pause is his horrific approach to the English language. To wit:

And so the Revolution of Exalted Embarrassment begins. The silence
of the products, the deep put-on of the products, is no longer the
monarch before which we grab and swipe and save and spend. In fact we
are belly-laughing profoundly. We are watching the amazed wandering
away of our hands. Our consumerized gestures have had some kind of
century storm blow through them. We’re just NOT BUYING. And why aren’t
we buying? Because YOU, CHILDREN, YOU STOPPED ME. And I am from the
Church of the Necessary Interruption and I am returning the favor. I
break you from your mindless fondling of the bottle of something or
other that you thought you would buy, you look up, giggling, perhaps
nauseous, then you pull away from the product. Can we even remember
what that product was? It was powerful and silent, and introduced to us
by happy famous faces along the walls of the streets.

Can I
tell you what that product was doing to you? It protruded itself into
your hands, sexual contact from a science fiction world that is ruled
by only one bewildering value: per-share return to distant investors.
But for you and me—that DO-I-BUY-IT? MOMENT is the last chance for
change, the stress fracture in the commodity wall, the nearly invisible
actual voting booth of America—and the only glimpse we’ll get of
revolution when revolution is not yet content for a product called
Revolution. Amen?

Revbilly_1Also, I’m a little suspect when he asks that, in lieu of shopping, we send him our credit card information to fund Reverend Billy & The Stop Shopping Gospel Choir’s Shopocalypse Tour. And who does his hair? That color job looks pricey.

In any case, I did not go shopping today. I’m still in my pajamas. Celebrity Poker is over so I’m watching important world news about Reverend Billy and sharing it with you. Frankly, on this day after deep-fried Thanksgiving, one of my grandmother’s favorite expressions comes to mind: going to Hell in a hand basket. Time for a shower.

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