And the #1 problem with writing a novel IS!

Well, I said this novel would get off the ground ¡Cuando monos vuelven de mi culo! Then one of those little organ grinder ones escaped, shrieked and ran off.

Yesterday’s "Introduction " was written tongue in cheek but Gene aka Hoss aka Lowell wasn’t too far off the mark in his comment. The only thing I could come up with for a plot is a very average girl who alternately takes up too much and too little space in her own life. She is of average intelligence, lives average, looks average, and has no particularly redeeming characters or quirks or interesting flaws. The only thing she really has are stories about the OTHER people in her life who actually are quite a bit larger than life and exceptional in numerous and quirky ways. I also came up with a good title: The Night Buckminster Fuller Came to Dinner, and I had some good material for that chapter about a tractor salesman, a giant geodesic dome and a subsequent conflagration of monumental proportions.

That’s when it occurred to me that there are significant problems with NaNoWriMo. The Top Ten Reasons this is probably a bad idea are:

10- I don’t write fiction. Sometimes I write slightly exaggerated life but I don’t know how to write fiction. Never took a class, never joined a group, never aspired to write a novel. I have poor grammer skills and use far too many ellipses.

9- I don’t like group activities. This is because I’m so average that when I’m in a group I’m either trying to be smaller or striving for the center of attention. Tonight, already, the Ann Arbor Chapter of National Novel Writers Month is meeting at the Cafe Espresso Royale.

8- My reaction to caffeine is akin to mainlining cocaine so coffee and coffee houses are not in my lifestyle. I want to go to Starbucks like I wanted to be in Lamaze classes. Better we convene at a bar.

7- I live in Ann Arbor, for pete’s sake. The only writer’s group more serious is meeting at Starbucks in Elyria, Ohio this morning. These people are not likely to be average writers and they are definitely not in the frame of mind that they are average writers.

6- Rich has decided to write a novel. He announced this night before last as he hovered over me, well into my personal space, with a mouthful of Lay’s potato chips. Since then every time I sit down with my laptop he is standing, leaning over me, two inches to the left and 14 inches above me asking, "So how’s it going? So whatcha doing? So how many words you got? Huh? Huh?" When I glare at him he bends down, pats me like a dog and says, "Ooooo, I just love you SO much! What’s for dinner? I’m going downstairs to write!" He has already written 6,000 words.

5- We both can’t write because someone has to earn a living, cook, clean and rake the leaves.

4- I have a job, a career, a profession if you will. Patients keep showing up to interfere with my writing.

3- If I go to that meeting (or a bar) tonight, yoga tomorrow night, plus watch Survivor I’ll already be 4800 words behind. And that is too much like the bad dream where it’s final exam day and you haven’t even been to the class all semester.

2- A newborn infant and her parents will be living here for two weeks during November. I would rather hold the baby.

And the #1 reason this is probably a bad idea is because: NaNoWriMO  reports that as of now 47,393,236 words have been added to the word count and we’re only starting day two. I know, for a fact, that most of that has to be very average doggerel. I’m not always a good recycler but I am a karmic environmentalist and I have to decide if I can, in good conscience, be a contributor to the diaper landfill of so much crappy verbiage.

Mamacita says the T-shirts are cool. I think I’ll order one today and then see how I feel. Right now- writing this NaNoWriMo novel feels as though it could really bring out the, hmmm, average in me.

P.S. There’s one other problem. I have such an average spell check program that it wants to change ¡Cuando monos vuelven de mi culo! to "Candi moons eleven of my cult" and NaNoWriMo to Panorama.

Someone kiss this late Fall frog I found in the Huron River and turn it into a novel for me, okay? You KNOW I’d rather be out walking by the river…Frog

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39 responses to “And the #1 problem with writing a novel IS!

  1. Vicki, I can’t believe I am first! Congratulations on being the site of the day. I can think of no one more deserving than you.

    “I have to decide if I can, in good conscience, be a contributor to the diaper landfill of so much crappy verbiage.”

    Very funny, but untrue – your verbiage is never crappy!

    Michele sent me today, but you know I am here everyday – sometimes twice.

  2. Forgot to say – I LOVE the frog photo!

  3. Congrats on being Michele’s site of the day!

    Neat frog photo.

    Michele sent me!

  4. First time visiting, Michele sent me! congrats on being the site of the day! Spanish is my mother tongue but I am still puzzled … have a nice day, do I have to kiss the frog?

  5. 3 questions, 4 statements, and … oh, bother!

    1. You mean you haven’t been making this stuff up?!

    2. Monkeys … derrieres … ellipses … I’m confused ….

    3. Ann Arbor a.k.a. West Ypsilanti is overrated. (East Lansing is underrated.)

    4. Is Rich trying to send you a subliminal message with the Lays?

    5. I’m with you regarding the yoga and the newborn!

    6. Please tell Candi and HER derriere that my children may be strange, but we are NOT a cult.

    7. Is the Huron River your fly-fishing home?

    8. I would rather start a blogroll than kiss that frog!

  6. Congrats!! Here from Michele’s. I will not kiss the frog, however, I WILL chase him & kill him if you like???? Good luck on the book.

  7. I forgot to say that Michele sent me!

  8. Just like that he goes off and writes something? Disgusting behavior, I tell you. Ab-so-lute-ly disgusting! With great trepidation I posted a piece of what I wrote yesterday and, omg, I have to do it again today.

    I kissed a frog once and ended up marrying it at which point it turned into a toad. I am not kissing another frog or toad as long as I live.

  9. Good morning, Michele sent me and I’m so glad she did.

  10. Congratulations on being site of the day! Hello from Michele’s.

    I won’t kiss the frog, but I’ll see if my 3 year old will! LOL!

    Look forward to coming back!

  11. Great site! I love the frog picture. And why not just write and see what develops? Although holding the newborn does sound incredibly tempting…

    Michele sent me.

  12. On no! Michele’s site of the day! If I’d known you were all coming I would have gotten out of my pajamas! This is great fun and I need to hop around and say hello and thanks! Oreo- you are most welcome here. Second only to Max at Psychokitty, Sophie has a thing for you. And we think you look very cute in a box.

  13. I came from Michele this time but by a back circuitous road. Don’t you just love the word “circuitous”, how it rolls of the tongue? Focus, Roxanne, focus.

    YOU are site of the day! Yeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! (Kermit T. Frog waving arms wildly) And you wrote and posted a lovely picture of a frog and this makes Judy so happy, as she collects them. Now, you must feel the warm fuzzies of the blog world.

    Now about the novel. You have heard “Truth is stranger than fiction.” So why not take real circumstances, embellish them enough to make it fiction and go on. Or just relax and hold that beautiful baby. We still love you novel or no.

  14. Vicki,

    Of course, we all KNOW this NaNoWriMO is a bad idea, but you are still in on it, aren’t you.

    Cause you do write fiction. I mean you did yesterday. And it ain’t average. It’s damn good.

  15. Hi there, Michele sent me too! What a great blog. My husband is also a writer and does the same thing your’s does. He’s so gifted and yet always want to know what I am writing about. It gets a bit invasive sometimes, but that’s what husbands often do. I kissed your frog and nothing happened on my end. Hope nobody was watching! Have a grea day and keep up the good work.

  16. Hi there, Michele sent me too! What a great blog. My husband is also a writer and does the same thing your’s does. He’s so gifted and yet always want to know what I am writing about. It gets a bit invasive sometimes, but that’s what husbands often do. I kissed your frog and nothing happened on my end. Hope nobody was watching! Have a grea day and keep up the good work.

  17. Congrats on being the site of the day (Michele sent me)! Sounds like you are going to be a great writer.. well i mean you already are. Keep up with the novel. I am such a huge procrastinator and even the most random shiny thing can distract me. Good luck. I’ll be coming back often (that is if I don’t see something shiny along the way…)

  18. Congrats on SOTD. Obviously michele sent me.

    Deep breath. There. Repeat after me. It’s a hobby. No one is paying to keep a blog or write a novel for NaNoWroMo-E-I-E-I-O. If they are I want in on the deal too. Do want you want to do and don’t let others shame, harrass, or badger you.

    You have the right to your own happiness.

  19. If I can do it, you can do it! Michele sent me and I’m NaNoing as well!

  20. Looking for a Prince

    Looking for a prince but kissing a frog. This frog already has his novel in hand and seems uninterested in becoming a prince.

  21. I’m here from Michele’s. I was going to say pretty much everything that Jen said, but since she already did, I’ll simply say I concur. Other than that, I hope you’re successful in whatever you decide to do this month, be it writing a book, or holding a baby, or both.

  22. I’m here from Michele’s. I was going to say pretty much everything that Jen said, but since she already did, I’ll simply say I concur. Other than that, I hope you’re successful in whatever you decide to do this month, be it writing a book, or holding a baby, or both.

  23. Hello Vicki, Michele sent me!

    What a great post, as a first time NaNoWriMo pariticpant this year I appreciated your words and I’m right there with you on the group activities!

  24. Hello, Michelle sent me! Congratulations on being the site of the day!

    I admire you for participating in the NaNoWroMo. I could never find the time.

  25. Hi Vicki, guess who sent me? I don’t do fiction either. Besides, my family would probably kill me… *scratching head* should I try NaNo next year?…

  26. Hi! Michele sent me ! Good luck with the novel!

  27. Mmmmm that frog would look good in a pot.

    Vicki you crack me up. I bet your novel will be quite splendid. Maybe the shirt will be inspiring?

  28. Fiction is easy. You just amble along, plugging in conscious and subconscious thoughts, and then at the end of the day you pluck out the best words, write The End, and give yourself a pat on the back, which will be mightily deserved by people like you who are one-day novel writers because you people are unconsciously writing with conscience in check so you get to use dirty words, which can fill out a good many paragraphs if you know enough of ’em.

    -The End-

  29. Hi there! michele sent me. Glad she did. Fiction writer or not, your words are a joy to read.

    I agree though, the idea of having to force myself to sit down and write seems so very counterintutive. That said, I think your idea for a novel sounds intriuging.

  30. Hi, Michele sent me.

    Those are very good reasons to go against the writing thing. I think you should just keep at it a little at a time and not worry about the goal. Your beginning was very interesting. Good luck.

  31. This novel writing thing is gonna be tough, but you write well, so I assume you’ll persist. 2500 words a day is the well balanced way (yeah, right) 😉

    And Hi, Michele sent me!

    rashbre

  32. Hello! I’m here from Micheles. Congrats on site of the day! I too am struggling with my NaNoWriMo. Here it is the second day and I’ve typed nothing…

  33. Hello! I’m here from Micheles. Congrats on site of the day! I too am struggling with my NaNoWriMo. Here it is the second day and I’ve typed nothing…

  34. Hey! I’m here from Michele’s.

    Almost fell off my chair laughing when I saw your lovely little Spanish phrase – my spellcheck hates Spanish, so I rarely use it in my blog anymore. I’m sooooo not kissing your frog, but you get full points and sympathy on your travails with NaNowriMo. My suggestions? Tell Rich to make dinner while you get caught up….

    Cheers,

  35. Hi, Michele sent me.

    Nice blog, nice frog.

  36. You have my permission to quit. It’s hard enough just to keep up with the regular blogging, for cryin’ out loud.

  37. Good luck finding the time to write that novel. You can always record Survivor, even thought it is always better “live”. Michele sent me.

  38. Good luck finding the time to write that novel. You can always record Survivor, even thought it is always better “live”. Michele sent me.

  39. Average doggerel, indeed. Words written do not great fiction make. I can spew words all day–but edit a page for a month.

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