WTF??? America! How do you do it? Rich is laughing at me but this is not funny. I’m dying here. By twitches and leaps and bounds.
As hard as it is to believe I have never ever had a whole cup of coffee in my entire life. I do not drink coffee. Ever. Until today. For reasons that entirely escape me now (all reason escapes me now) I had one cup before church and one cup after. Two cups. Of Rich’s Kona high test coffee. He ground up those beans and made extra for me. He’ll be lucky to survive the day.
How can you stand this? Eight hours later and I’m still shaking. My heart is racing. I’m on the floor twitching. You know the "Our Father Who…" part? That came out like a twisted Lewis Carroll verse about a Jabberwocky.
This is a bad habit you all have. Bad I tell you. C rhymes with T and so forth and so on. Grim. Indeed. Have we learned a lesson today? Yes, we have! Never again.
And another thing. Have you all had a burning pain in your stomach and diarrhea for the past 3 decades? Why isn’t this stuff against the law??