(I wrote this post about a month ago and then didn’t post it on that day because Mistress Mary had just put up a post about someone she knew who had committed suicide and this was frivolous and inappropriate on that day. As some of you know, this has turned out to be quite the month for me as well. T.D. is leaving in a week to move a 1000 miles away and we have an attachment disorder. I’m too attached to her. I’ve also been confronting the worries of sick and aging parents and all this talk of summer’s end reminds me that winter is the harshest season for them. Then last week I lost a dear dear friend and former partner when he died an early and stark death. Now, for the next two months, FG is in full travel mode related to business, gone much more than here. So this morning, I thought, "Shit, Vicki. You’re a mess. This is the time and place to go track down a trusty therapist." Except, as I’ve said before- very tongue in cheek- I don’t believe in therapy. Even though I’ve been doing this for a living for over thirty years.
Writing is a sort of therapy for me, so tomorrow-unless I’m busy talking to a therapist- you get chapter one in my soon-to-be-famous book: Why Waste Your Money? Chapter One is called, "Are We Problem Solving or Are We Whining?" And now on to a draft from the past (at least I’m not dragging up previously published material here)…
My best grandmother went back to college at the University of Michigan to get a Master’s in Social Work in 1970 when she was 64 years old. That was something and so was she. She died of colon cancer before she could finish but there was a brief time before that when I was there in school and she advised me not to "bother with Group work because it isn’t worth the powder to blow it to Hell."
In general, I still agree with this thought. I’ve only found two kinds of group therapy that do anything for anyone- one is court ordered for offenders of various types (drugs, alcohol, domestic violence) and that works in the sense that people generally prefer coming to group therapy than going to jail. (Just kidding, Jim. Smooth your hackles.). The other kind of group therapy that works is the Misery Loves Company kind. This is the kind where you get a therapist who looks and acts like Bob Newhart and a collection of patients who can be oddly dissimilar but like to get together and whine about something they have in common.
I’ve also mentioned before that, after thirty years as a therapist and a couple (days) as a patient, I’m not completely convinced that any kind of psychotherapy is all that it’s chalked up to be. I’m still working on my four part treatise on that and I promise to show it to you first before I run it by a publisher. But that’s for another day.
Today I’m starting a new therapy group. Right here. Right now. Would you like to join? This is a therapy group for mothers who have daughters who are about to abandon them so they can go live lives of their own. The typical group member will be an intelligent and insightful mother. She will have set aside many of her own needs to insure her daughter’s happiness and well being and is now in the throes of despair as the thankless daughter is packing her bags and boxes to leave.
You think I jest but no. I know you’re out there. Panthergirl . Mistress Mary. SRP . Many many more of you are lurking there silently as, day after day and Labor Day approaches, your emotional state becomes increasingly fragile.
Sliding fee scale (actually there’s no fee, you’ve already paid your dues and then some), meeting times flexible. Unlimited space available; always looking for new members. Merely add your name and URL in the comment section below and plan to post at your place at least a piece or two about your own situation. You can write about a fond memory, how much you will miss her when she’s gone, about how parting is such sweet sorrow or even about how the wretch has turned on you after all you’ve done and is sneaking your best kitchenware and blankets into her boxes in preparation to go. Don’t hold back- remember, we are accepting, non-judgmental and responsive. Horror stories welcome (they’ll make the rest of us feel better).
Then post a trackback link here and at your place. You have from now until Labor Day to belabor this issue.
Would you rather be the group therapist? We have openings for the well-trained, experienced leaders, too. Been here, done this? Don’t lurk- we’re crying out for your help here!