Vicki’s a good egg–toothsome, too!

Hello, fellow members of the VOFC–Vicki’s Outside-In Fan Club! It’s me, Bonnie, reporting in for duty. VOFC is not to be confused with the BCMD–Book Club My Derriere. Our Vicki has filled her bus with vegetable oil, a la Jane Fonda, and taken a road trip up north with fearless, good-humored FG (“This bus is a delicate machine!”), T.D. (the incredible Starter Person/diver/kayaker/tall ship documentary subject/guitarist/Latin and Bible scholar), and sundry wild blogging women! I’m feeling quite envious regarding missing this BlogHer Sauna Fete (pronounced SOWNA for all of you non-UPer aka non-Finns aka non-Tango-freaks). Only one day without our Vicki and we nearly fell apart, didn’t we? Now where was I? Oh yes, up north…you know…the U.P. Look, I’ll hold up one hand like a mitten and the other hand sideways with my thumb facing down and touching my middle finger…oh, never mind!

I’m so honored to be here. Look at this place! Clean and well-organized with a great view of Vicki’s gorgeous garden! I’ll just go outside and pluck one of those tempting tomatoes off of the vine. “Look out, Mr. Groundhog, or you’ll soon be stuffed and hung on Vicki’s wall with the rest of her menagerie.” Oh, just listen to the harmonious tones coming from her pleasant aviary! I’m coming back in now due to the heavenly aroma emanating from the realm of our kitchen goddess. Mmmm…she left some “Better Than Sax” molasses cookies for me! I’ll just lie down on this comfy shrink’s couch and savor one or two. Less is more, you know! These taxidermic tokens are starting to frighten me a bit, so I think I’ll pour a glass of one of these lovely Oregon Pinot Noirs, obviously meant for me, from Vicki and FG’s recent trip to visit Hoss and his better half, Betty. How thoughtful of Vicki to have arranged for some soulful Tom Waits to be playing in the background. This track features her #1 son, a professional alternative jazz saxophonist! I’m starting to chill here…thanks, Vicki! I’ll get my virgin guest-posting groove on with a quotation and a joke:

Relax? I can’t relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or…only two synonyms? Oh my God, I’m losing my perspicacity! Aaaaa!
~Lisa Simpson (in honor of Mistress Mary)

Hoss, is it too early to join me in a glass of wine?

Not at all, Bonnie, but do you think we’ll both fit?

Now for the guest post. If I knew how to run Vicki’s audioblog, I’d play Wagner’s Prelude to Die Meistersinger here:

JUST SHY OF A DOZEN REASONS WHY VICKI AND I ARE KINDRED SPIRITS
1. I love yoga. Vicki loves Pie-plates.

2. We both love a good Boarshead. (Not the microbrew-the medieval Christmas festival-Yes, Meeta, it pains me more than a little to admit that Ann Arbor’s Boar’s Head Festival is the best anywhere!)
3. We are both sorely conflicted over the Lutheran Church of the Misery Synod.

4. Vicki and FG love her molasses cookies.
Bruce and I should probably try to love her molasses cookies more.
(Lu should probably try to love them a little less…)

5. Vicki’s two children are free spirits and nothing alike.
My eleven (don’t panic, that’s just shy of a dozen) children are free spirits and nothing alike…*pours a second glass of Pinot*.

6. We both believe in matchmaking and arranged marriages. Our kiddos will have nothing to do with that, of course.

7. We both play Candyland with odd children and listen to people weep and whine all day.
8. We are both completely and hopelessly addicted to Gene’s humor.

9. We both firmly hold that cellists make wonderful wives. We do not indulge in lewd cello/cellist jokes. (Well, not counting that one about scratching on the most beautiful instrument in the world between the legs…)

10. One of my daughters knits thongs…TD makes prom dresses out of duct tape.

11. I hurt my right rotator cuff by playing my cello overzealously.
Vicki hurt her right rotator cuff by lifting gigantic piles of CD’s from Jim and Mamacita for Bill and the soldiers.

A TETRALOGY OF ATTRIBUTES THAT I ADMIRE IN VICKI
1. No matter how many times I remind her of the superiority of Michigan State University over University of Michigan she remains gracious and unruffled. For instance, she refuses to mention the Spartan propensity for burning couches upon losing football games. She invited me to guest host here, fully expecting me to change the color scheme from bland blue and gold to powerful green and white…think of the trust!

2. She listens well and gets the essence of people in a very short time!

3. She “translates” when necessary. For instance, when I post on my hopelessly idealistic blog that my little scholars are enjoying their new chess clock she asks, “Who clocked whom first in the head with it?”
(Answer: Betsy-clocker/Malcolm-clockee)

4. Vicki must worry, fuss, and help every creature–from the smallest baby warbler, to the bravest soldier, to the oldest crotchety parent–as this is her calling and her heart’s desire!

Good manners require that I thank three other great shrinks for introducing me to Vicki. Thanks, good Doctors!

And now I must reluctantly depart…one more glance around…look at those lovely (hand-made by our Vicki) trout flies poised prettily next to that picture frame…Oh, my–it’s a recent photo of Vicki wearing nothing but a crown of autumn leaves! Thanks, Genuine, for your great gift at drawing this type of information from even the most discreet among us. No wonder FG always has that contented look upon his face!

Wish upon a pretty agate from the beaches of Lake Superior, Vicki, and call Yo Mama!

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10 responses to “Vicki’s a good egg–toothsome, too!

  1. WONDERFUL bit of subbing, Bonnie. Why don’t you just take this site over and let Vicki find another one?

  2. Bonnie, I can’t decide if you are actually in Vicki’s house or if you remember all of that detail from her posts. Thanks for the smile. Roberta

  3. Nice guest post, Bonnie. You have 11 kids and a memory?

  4. Imagine my delight in finding that Bonnie is the guest host today! Sweet Bonnie — making sure that we all play nicely while Vicki is away. And Naughty Bonnie, with the cello joke!

  5. Bonnie! Dear friend- no sauna, but there are hot tub towels in the upstairs linen closet. You captured all the best aspects of my life and family and cast them in the most flattering light and I’m grateful to you for that (blush). How kind of you to overlook the laundry room, garage, litter box and tomato bed. Kinder still to overlook my flaws, both personal and literary and I’m truly flattered that you’ve brought your good hear and fine mind to visit at OutsideIn. Thank you.

    The dear penguin calling mum is an absolute stitch; that one I’ll probably download and frame for my desk! The cello bit- yes, yes. And thanks for being the voice of reason and mediator in my absence. I’m so conflict avoidant…

    We’re in Grand Marais at this moment and in a mere 2 hours I’ll get to meet 4 women who most of you know and read. We’ll drag two spouses and one T.D. along to a loud and enthusiastic dinner at the Angry Trout. And then, a sauna. Pictures to follow. We depart for the U.P.tomorrow morning; sadly we will be missing the Fish Toss and the Log Rolling Championship as G.M. hosts the annual Fisherman’s Picnic this weekend. I bet you’ll find results elsewhere in the neighborhood.

    Miss you all; limping along in 1/2 hour blocks is just not enough to stop and but I’m looking forward to playing catch-up in a few days.

  6. You are BOTH good eggs.

  7. Is everyone doing blogger conventions this summer? Bonnie–you and I need to do a mini-one, just you and me and a couple of micro brews. Great guest post and I learned a lot about you. I thought I knew it all too!

  8. Thanks for inviting me to try this, Vicki! ‘Twas fun and freeing to depart from my comfort zone for a time.

    Grand Marais–Ah! “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s sauna nor his manservants…”

    Thanks for the compliments, folks. It’s a joy to write about such interesting subject matter as the life of our Vicki.

    Now, promise me you’ll look “toothsome” up in your Funk and Wagnalls and begin using it, immediately. You know which definition I’m talking about!

  9. Margaret–I’m in! Hefeweizens, I presume!

  10. STOP SPINNING, BLOGGING PLANET! BONNIE TYPED AND PUBLISHED THE WORDS:

    “call Yo Mama!”

    THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!

    (yes…I’m shouting)

    Bonnie, how in the world do you have time for another blog? How? How? HOW?

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