Hello, fellow members of the VOFC–Vicki’s Outside-In Fan Club! It’s me, Bonnie, reporting in for duty. VOFC is not to be confused with the BCMD–Book Club My Derriere. Our Vicki has filled her bus with vegetable oil, a la Jane Fonda, and taken a road trip up north with fearless, good-humored FG (“This bus is a delicate machine!”), T.D. (the incredible Starter Person/diver/kayaker/tall ship documentary subject/guitarist/Latin and Bible scholar), and sundry wild blogging women! I’m feeling quite envious regarding missing this BlogHer Sauna Fete (pronounced SOWNA for all of you non-UPer aka non-Finns aka non-Tango-freaks). Only one day without our Vicki and we nearly fell apart, didn’t we? Now where was I? Oh yes, up north…you know…the U.P. Look, I’ll hold up one hand like a mitten and the other hand sideways with my thumb facing down and touching my middle finger…oh, never mind!
I’m so honored to be here. Look at this place! Clean and well-organized with a great view of Vicki’s gorgeous garden! I’ll just go outside and pluck one of those tempting tomatoes off of the vine. “Look out, Mr. Groundhog, or you’ll soon be stuffed and hung on Vicki’s wall with the rest of her menagerie.” Oh, just listen to the harmonious tones coming from her pleasant aviary! I’m coming back in now due to the heavenly aroma emanating from the realm of our kitchen goddess. Mmmm…she left some “Better Than Sax” molasses cookies for me! I’ll just lie down on this comfy shrink’s couch and savor one or two. Less is more, you know! These taxidermic tokens are starting to frighten me a bit, so I think I’ll pour a glass of one of these lovely Oregon Pinot Noirs, obviously meant for me, from Vicki and FG’s recent trip to visit Hoss and his better half, Betty. How thoughtful of Vicki to have arranged for some soulful Tom Waits to be playing in the background. This track features her #1 son, a professional alternative jazz saxophonist! I’m starting to chill here…thanks, Vicki! I’ll get my virgin guest-posting groove on with a quotation and a joke:
Relax? I can’t relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or…only two synonyms? Oh my God, I’m losing my perspicacity! Aaaaa!
~Lisa Simpson (in honor of Mistress Mary)
Hoss, is it too early to join me in a glass of wine?
Not at all, Bonnie, but do you think we’ll both fit?
Now for the guest post. If I knew how to run Vicki’s audioblog, I’d play Wagner’s Prelude to Die Meistersinger here:
JUST SHY OF A DOZEN REASONS WHY VICKI AND I ARE KINDRED SPIRITS
1. I love yoga. Vicki loves Pie-plates.
2. We both love a good Boarshead. (Not the microbrew-the medieval Christmas festival-Yes, Meeta, it pains me more than a little to admit that Ann Arbor’s Boar’s Head Festival is the best anywhere!)
3. We are both sorely conflicted over the Lutheran Church of the Misery Synod.
4. Vicki and FG love her molasses cookies.
Bruce and I should probably try to love her molasses cookies more.
(Lu should probably try to love them a little less…)
5. Vicki’s two children are free spirits and nothing alike.
My eleven (don’t panic, that’s just shy of a dozen) children are free spirits and nothing alike…*pours a second glass of Pinot*.
6. We both believe in matchmaking and arranged marriages. Our kiddos will have nothing to do with that, of course.
7. We both play Candyland with odd children and listen to people weep and whine all day.
8. We are both completely and hopelessly addicted to Gene’s humor.
9. We both firmly hold that cellists make wonderful wives. We do not indulge in lewd cello/cellist jokes. (Well, not counting that one about scratching on the most beautiful instrument in the world between the legs…)
10. One of my daughters knits thongs…TD makes prom dresses out of duct tape.
A TETRALOGY OF ATTRIBUTES THAT I ADMIRE IN VICKI
1. No matter how many times I remind her of the superiority of Michigan State University over University of Michigan she remains gracious and unruffled. For instance, she refuses to mention the Spartan propensity for burning couches upon losing football games. She invited me to guest host here, fully expecting me to change the color scheme from bland blue and gold to powerful green and white…think of the trust!
2. She listens well and gets the essence of people in a very short time!
3. She “translates” when necessary. For instance, when I post on my hopelessly idealistic blog that my little scholars are enjoying their new chess clock she asks, “Who clocked whom first in the head with it?”
4. Vicki must worry, fuss, and help every creature–from the smallest baby warbler, to the bravest soldier, to the oldest crotchety parent–as this is her calling and her heart’s desire!
Good manners require that I thank three other great shrinks for introducing me to Vicki. Thanks, good Doctors!
And now I must reluctantly depart…one more glance around…look at those lovely (hand-made by our Vicki) trout flies poised prettily next to that picture frame…Oh, my–it’s a recent photo of Vicki wearing nothing but a crown of autumn leaves! Thanks, Genuine, for your great gift at drawing this type of information from even the most discreet among us. No wonder FG always has that contented look upon his face!
Wish upon a pretty agate from the beaches of Lake Superior, Vicki, and call Yo Mama!