When we got drunk

I met Patti and Audrey for lunch today. These are two dear friends from BCMA that I can never get enough of and no matter how often we get together it takes less than five minutes for us to be laughing hysterically and spilling stuff. Without benefit of alcohol. Somehow today’s lunch topic was first experiences with being drunk. For all of us these were basically our only experiences with getting drunk; as Patti so succinctly put it it, "hey, once there was pot who needed alcohol?" Now we’re at the point where we don’t much need or want either; apparently we are just plain high on life. Or fluctuating hormone levels.

My first and only came about because I just had no experience with alcohol. I had been busy working 40 hours and going to college fulltime since I left home at 17. So, call me stupid, but at 26 I didn’t know beer and wine were a bad mix. Drunk would have been one thing but green and rolling for two days was another. I was still just feeling the drunk part when we got home and I opened the passenger door to stumble out and my loving cat, McTab, came up to greet me. I mumbled something about " ‘lo,there,kitty!" and then hurled peanuts, beer and wine all over the poor animal. My boyfriend had to catch her and hose her down.

The next morning I had to do a videotaped infant assessment to be used at a major child development conference.I still have that in the archives and on the tape you can see me wince and blanch every time the toddler stacks and knocks over the blocks.

Patti’s story was better though. Patti was a dorm residence advisor at Emory University at Oxford in the 70’s and they still had rules for well-behaved Southern girls in the residence hall. Very restricted visitor’s hours, no guys in the dorm after 8 pm and when they were visiting you had to have your door open and "both feet on the floor at all times." There was a curfew and violations were punished. Patti also had essentially no experience with alcohol but when girls did sneak out they went to the local monastery and sat out in the field on hay stacks to drink. Someone introduced Patti to "Hoppin’ Gator" which was a canned combination of beer and gatorade. Yum. She got quite plowed and arrived back at the dorm well past curfew. Everyone drifted back to their rooms while Patti, who is a true born good do-bee, stood stock still in the entry considering how many demerits to give herself. After a fair spell, with every other woman in the dorm sound asleep, Patti raised her arms and yelled, "Hey! Everybody has to get the fuck up!"

Someone kindly put her to bed and she swore off "Hoppin’ Gator" and moved on to Harvey Wallbangers. It was a short lived but downhill slide from there…

I love my girlfriends. I can’t imagine life without them. Rich is still down in Florida on business and calling every day to tell me how lonely he is. I’m lonely, too, but I’m not a phone person so the last thing I want to do is chat with him about being lonely. Last night he called and I was sort of abrupt and then later he called back and sounded sort of mad/hurt. I said hey! don’t be mad just cuz I don’t want to talk on the phone and he said he wasn’t; he was mad "because I put his lizard out."  Green_anole_green_01a_smith

We have those little anoles all over the place in Florida- they hide in the mailbox and scoot out from under the doormat. They’re everywhere and they’re pretty cute. Before I got to Florida last week Rich had let one in and they were becoming "friends." By the time I got there the hapless creature was living in a silk plant on the kitchen windowsill waiting, I guess, for it to be attacked by aphids. I don’t believe in faux plants of any sort but I couldn’t stand a home without something so I’d bought a nice little pot of silk cilantro and put it on the sill. Anyway, before I left I turned the anole loose outside.

Now Rich is whining because I have the cats to keep me company and he doesn’t even have his lizard anymore…

15 responses to “When we got drunk

  1. Gatorade and beer?????? I’d rather drink hot pee, I think. I love me some beer, but I want it all alone!

  2. Dayum. Nyquil sounds better than the above described concoctions. My first drunk was a teenager with a horny older guy who supplied Old Charter. When I even SEE the label to this day, I get queasy.

  3. Awww, poor Rich!

    Wincing and blanching. Priceless.

    “Everybody has to get the fuck up!”

    I will probably say that for days.

    I wish I could say I’ve only been drunk once. Well, I could say it. It just wouldn’t be true.

  4. Now I wish we had ordered wine with our Williamston lunch. For a moment I thought “put his lizard out” was some sort of private joke. Poor FG!

  5. Vicki: Do you know WHAT YOU SAID!!???? “He doesn’t have his lizard anymore.” Oh ho ho ho har de har har.

    (Slang: lizard = penis)

    I’m sorry. I’ll be good.

  6. HOSS! You and Bonnie are in cahoots today.

  7. My first experience with drinking too much was at the age of about 19, when I partied in a bar with someone I did not know too well. He bought me shots of Wild Turkey, after I had already consumed several beers. I ended up so incredibly, disgustingly sick and drunk that I was on the floor in a Roy Rogers bathroom, throwing up, too sick to even care that I was clutching the disgusting public toilet with both hands. Hard liquor is not a friend to me.

  8. Vicki, what an intense post – Harvey Wallbangers, lizards, and college drinking. I have ‘the whirlies’ after reading this. You remember those – lying on the bed, the world spinning, assuring yourself ‘ “This too will pass, this too will pass.”

    Ouf. My head hurts from the memories.

  9. Well, this post is ripe for blue comments; but, between Bonnie and Hoss ….

  10. Gatorade and beer. I don’t think so. But it just goes along with this: When we were teenagers, we used to swear that if we didnt drink enough to get sick, then we weren’t drunk enough. I guess thats just the sick mentality of our days of youth.

  11. What can I say…Hoss is corrupting me…oh, I commented first…who is corrupting whom?

  12. I was fourteen
    She was a mixture of Country Time Lemonade & Jack Daniels

    The bathroom was up a flight of stairs
    I slowly, slowly crawled that flight of stairs
    And slept atop them like Edmund Hillary wondering where his Sherpa had gone…

  13. I was at a coffee house and this young guy was bragging about being able to count his number of drunks on one hand. My Buddha smile concealed all the digits of Avalokiteshvara.

  14. You treated that man’s lizard real bad.
    Maybe you can go out and look for it,look for hot spots I heard lizards are fond of flies.
    I don’t know if I really help there,re-reading this sounds funny.well >>>——-> Cheers.

  15. Friday Ark

    Cats, Dogs, Spiders and ? every Friday. We’ll post links to sites that have Friday (plus or minus a few days) photos of their chosen animals as I see them (photoshops at our discretion and humans only in supporting roles). Leave a comment or trackback …

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