Garden X-Files: HELP!!!

EEEEEUUUWWWW! And YYEEEECHHH! Cover your ears, but WHAT THE FUCK SAM HILL IS THIS??????
It’s WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! Do you get the feeling I’m upset? YES, I AM!Alien

Yesterday I was out in the garden, doing some pruning and mulching and fertilizing. Everything that grows out there was all happy and fine and looking forward to last night’s rain. I know this because I asked them, "say, how’s it going? What’s new? Expecting triplets! Congratulations!" the way I always do.

So I know the INVASION OF THE SUBSTANCE FROM HELL had not begun. This vile loveliness is all over, everywhere, on my  25 ft. Cedar which grows over the little garden where Dan plants impatiens for Mother’s Day every year. It’s orange. It’s gelatinous. Like I imagine enemy sea anemones to look (say that five times, fast.). It looks like something from the ocean or someplace deeper still.

This morning, in anticipation of Dan coming by for his birthday cash (the only gift worth getting when you’re a 25 year old starving artist; actually I also knit him a pair of funky socks, too) FG and I went and picked up two flats of impatiens for him to plant. It was still too cold on Mother’s Day. When we pulled back into the driveway THIS GLOPGrowing_everywhere was hanging all over the tree. This happened in the blink of an eye.

Either A) I’ve been cursed by that lovely Sister on Revulsions; B) Moss Graffiti has sent over a nasty colonizing relative in revenge or C) Bob Saget put a hex on me. (see previous post)

Do YOU know what it is? If yes, you have an obligation to give me the antidote. Right now. Please.
Take a stiff drink and click to enlarge.

16 responses to “Garden X-Files: HELP!!!

  1. Eewwww!! What you’ve got there is what’s known as Cedar-Apple Rust, which is a fungus that can be treated with a protective fungicide. I would talk to your local nursery for the best kind and how to apply. You need to take of this now as this particular fungus (spreads by wind) will certainly defoliate your lovely cedar and quite possibly kill it!

    Good luck!

  2. Thank you, Buzz! How can something grow that fast??? I may get out Abby’s microscope and make a wet mount slide of this junk because, I’m telling you, it is truly amazing the rate at which it grows. Yeech! I’ll go find a solution, no pun intended.

  3. Another interesting fact about Cedar-Apple Rust is that it needs a Cedar tree AND a fruit tree to even survive. One (drastic) way to get rid of it is to get rid of one of those trees.

  4. I have a black thumb, so I am glad Buzz knew what it was– I am clueless!!!

  5. I was going to say something really big blew its nose on it, but I like Buzz’ suggestion better.

    (Beavis voice)I think that you need to duct tape it. Yeah use Duct tape, and then Fire. Yeah Fire!!! Fire!!

  6. Let’s see- that other fruit tree would probably be my most excellent 60 year old apple tree?? If yes, this calls for really drastic measures. I’d lose the Cedar before I’d lose the Apple- which I just checked and it does NOT have dripping orange glop. Phew! Buzz- you’re a wealth of info- and here I thought you just drank beer and looked up eye candy…

  7. Those are little orange peters. Do not let them near a vagina or you will have them all over the neighborhood.

    You’re welcome.

  8. Glad you got the answer! I had NO IDEA!!!

  9. eeewwww! I am so glad you found out what it is–eeewww! Another black thumb here.

  10. eww!!! I learned something today too, I had NO idea what that was!!!!

  11. Sunburned slugs?

  12. “Morgus Presents”?

  13. Haha! No, I do more than drink beer and look up eye candy!

    Wait, that reminds me…I think I need a beer!

  14. EWW and OH NO! That’s nasty!! Get rid of it!

    Sorry I can’t be of more help but that’s the only advice I can think of. Get. Rid. Of. It.

  15. Does Cedar Apple Rust only appear after someone has mixed and applied a can of beer, a hit of sugar and some pureed moss?

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