Soap on a Rope

If they still sold that stuff FG would buy it. Especially if it came in bulk packaging. At the risk of blogging this subject to death (see Adult Supervision Required ) FG needs a lifetime ban on shopping at Sam’s Club. The peanuts are still here,shells and skins in the bedding, and this morning I discovered, hidden in with my canned tomatoes and hot sauce, this:  Buyinginbulk_1 

Two people live in this house with an occasional child or houseguest stopping in. We have two bathrooms- not 4 or 2.5 or 2 plus a powder room. We have two. One of us does not like or use perfumed bar soap. This is because one of us has, hmm, sensitive parts that are, well, sensitive so it works best to stick with Tide-Free in the washing machine and Kiss My Face shower gel from Whole Paycheck in the shower. I call it Kiss My Ass. Get it? Sensitive Parts? Kiss My Ass? Okay, moving on. Even if I did like or use bar soap you can believe me when I say it would not be Irish Spring. Irish Spring smells like soap bubbas use when they take their monthly bath. Irish Spring melts with heat and humidity and then reforms into some kind of crusty mutant soap cake when it cools. So I don’t think we would use 16 Super Size bars of Irish Spring in our remaining lifetime. This soap was packaged for use in a group home. And now it’s hiding in my tomatoes.

To counter FG’s fetish for Irish Spring I flush every bar of soap as soon as it gets to a size that might reasonably flush. The problem with this tack, of course, is that it creates the illusion that we actually are using Irish Spring at a fair clip. I’m thinking of telling the manager at Sam’s that FG has many previous arrests for check kiting and offering them a photo to post in the employee break room so all cashiers will turn him away. Here’s a cute one Bikerdude_1:

12 responses to “Soap on a Rope

  1. From the sublime to the ridiculous! My hubby hunts down those peanuts and soaps from Costco, too, but my family uses them at a frightening clip! It’s French triple-milled soaps pour moi. Your motorcycle man is too cute!

    P.S. Vicki–how I enjoyed your Detroit memories! Check on Baryshnikov, Bunnykins, and “Watson and the Shark”!!! I use the Copley painting with my art history scholars and it never fails to impress! Why, oh why, does that shark’s mouth frighten me to this day?!

  2. Oh, my goodness, I live for this thread of posts. That is classic! Did he really not think you would find the soap there?

    Oh lordy! I can’t wait to see what he will buy next.

    I am as bad as he is: I bought not one but TWO palm pilots today because I couldn’t stand the idea of showing mine off without sharing with Dereck.

    He nearly dropped through the concrete porch floor.

    I am a hazard with a credit card.

    (I bought them “open box” though which is kind of like “used”).

  3. F.G.: You are SO busted!! And deservedly so.

  4. Vicki: Continuation of the Complimenter compliments: Shane ( got a better compliment than either of us. I told Shane about our experience and suggested the Complimenter is about to make enemies!! Heh.

  5. Vicki – I hope your tomatoes don’t end up tasting like Irish Spring – UGH! Since FG’s so fond of the odor, why not put the soap in a drawer with his clothes – or in the basement – anywhere not near food! :>)

  6. (Oh that classy Bonnie and her cello and her triple milled French soaps. We are her servants, she is our Goddess.)

    So, Vicki, Irish Spring stings your thing?

  7. I am humbled at the effusiveness of the compliment that I received, and a little perturbed that it seems to be contributing to an imminent anti-compliments initiative.

    Anyway, to you, your post reminded me of my mother anecdotalising about when I was young she had to ensure that nothing that was flushable was within Shane-reach near the toilet. I had found the game of sacrificing soap and underwear to The Toilet Gods to be highly entertaining. Gladly though, I grew out of that phase.

  8. What always happens to me is I’ll buy a huge thing of something and then forget I already bought it later on, and buy more. I now have FOUR big bottles of vinegar. I will never in my lifetime go through four bottles of vinegar. I’m going to have to dye every egg that comes into my house.

  9. Where’s my camera when I need it!!!

    The FACT is, in our cupboard, there were – not one, nor two or three but SIX, (if you could only see them) S-I-X jars of half-started creamy JIF peanut butter.

    I only got wise to this when, for the fourth week in a row, peanut butter was on the shopping list yet again, and I am thinking to myself in the jarred-stuff aisle at the super… “Vicki doesn’t eat this much PB… I don’t think she eats it at all!” So when I got home I did… what do I call it… INVENTORY… that’s it… inventory of the cupboard and there were the six jars which I, quite appropriately I believe, piled, totem style, on the counter …

  10. Nice, dear. Come out of the closet as you head out the door on a business trip. It’s been over two years- haven’t you realized yet that I just keep handing you the same basic shopping list over and over? It’s not my fault the kids grew up, left home and stopped eating peanut butter since it’s been revised. Fly safe.xoxoxo

  11. My word! How old is that list???!!

  12. I think Costco holds a second mortgage on our house…

    But you’ve gotta talk some sense into FG. Irish Spring has got to be the most nasty-ass soap on the planet. Not that it stinks or anything, although its pungent springtime aroma does tend to get up in my grille way too much. It’s that no other soap melts away so quickly to a useless puddle of goo. On a showers-per-bar basis, I could go through a trough of Irish Spring in the same time it takes to use up two bars of Dial Gold. Yech.

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