For Jen

Okay- this blog is going to be really embarassing. It’s about how I met the love of my life. Exactly, precisely 3 years ago today. Around that time BCMA was pushing hard for me to meet someone and give up on the single woman theme (which I was, frankly, enjoying).  So I signed up for- you guessed it- Before it got all hinky. And I posted a profile. And I met two kinds of men: many 50 year old engineers with male pattern baldness who had been left with 3 sullen teenage boys by pissed off wives they wanted to tell me about, ad nauseum and then there were 300# retired coroners turned biker dudes. There were at least 4 of those, 2 from Toledo. So I said, to Hell with this and went online to pull off my profile and found an e-mail from Rich. Rather than go into further explanation here are our first exchanges precisely as I kept them in a mail file I call "RichHearted". Since these first few there have been hundreds more both before and after marriage, some juicy and hot, some overflowing with incredible love and gratitude , some snarky, nasty and mean. I keep them all. But first my really tacky, really embarassing profile (gag):

My Narratives

Describing myself
Like Virginia Woolf, I believe every woman needs a little money and a room of her own but it is starting to occur to me that some good company might be in order as well, especially now that my very best travel companion is getting ready to choose her college. So-I’m generally happy, energetic and more curious about nature and places than who’s doing what with whom. Youthful appearance and demeanor. I’m independent and self reliant, a creature of comfort (more cotton than silk) and I enjoy gardening, kayaking and sneaking quietly around the lake looking for Sandhill Cranes in the marsh grass. I place very high value on strong personal ethics and I’m committed to caring for others, especially in my professional life but I leave space to meet my own needs and have fun. I’m almost done raising my two nearly perfect children (the jazz musician is already out the door but may need indefinite support from afar and the 16 year old has been self-directed since she could walk and goes freely back and forth between her father’s and here). I’m a fine cook, a voracious reader and although I catch and release I tie my own flies. And I’m just a little bit quirky (do not read kinky)- I almost got drummed out of book club for suggesting Geek Love.

Describing my ideal match
I’m pretty flexible but I would want to be with someone who is not burdened with much in the way of problems, debt or bad karma. He should be intelligent, articulate, enjoy putzing around enough to get the chores done and be up for some good adventures, especially outdoors. Music is a pretty integral part of my life so concert-going, both club jazz and classical auditorium would be a plus. My ideal match would enjoy heading out to the cottage on the weekend for boating, walks, bonfires and star-gazing.

So I sign on to to cancel my account after 60 days and the afore mentioned experiences.
And I find this:


My name is Rich.

I just bought this service because of your ad.  So I don’t have a profile or a picture up or anything, but I would be happy to send a picture to you if that would help.

I think you will relate to this… At Delhi Park, just under the bridge, there are a bunch of bass who have taken a shining to me.  I visit them from time to time with my fly rod, but I never take them back home for any kind of a visit.  I just take such great delight in standing in the water waving at them.  By the way, you probably are fully setup for fly fishing, but on the off chance you don’t wade, I have an extra set of waders so it would be easy for you to join me.

Second, I have been waiting for someone to join me at the Firefly Club.  I used to go there when it was the Bird, not sure why the new Bird hasn’t connected for me yet.  Did you know there is now a third jazz place at the corner of Huron and First?  Haven’t been there yet.

I live in the middle of the woods on the west side of Ann Arbor.  Animals and birds of all sorts share the land with me.

Somehow, I think you would just really think we might enjoy life in many of the same ways. 

I am a male, 48, 5’10", 165, two adult daughters (22,26), a Ph.D., own my own small national consulting company…

I’d love to talk with you.  I am in Chicago right now and will do the whole profile thing when I get back.  If I don’t hear from you, I will let you know when it is there for you to see.

I am somehow just taken with you…

So I answer with this:

Hi, Rich-

You sound too good to be true.

I was just checking my mail after finishing work and before going over to a friend’s for her birthday dinner so I won’t write much now. I do know your fishing spot.

Please tell me you have no addictions or extra digits and then we can talk more. Maybe.

Thanks for the very nice note-




4 responses to “For Jen

  1. I just love that story. Very romantic.

  2. Hi Beth- thanks for the comment. You can tell I was a bit ambivalent but as I was re-reading our early e-mails it’s clear I warmed up to him quickly. 🙂 Just checked out your blog- I like it! Same age, same prof.- you just live in a better place.

  3. Sigh. That is truly beautiful! Even more so that Rich was actually the real deal. I loved the part where you replied “I do know your fishing spot” – that right there says you guys were meant to be. You have just inspired me to tell all about how I met my guy. Thanks for the warm mushy thing you just put in my heart!

  4. Oh my gosh! I think I just fell in love with your husband!!!

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