ADULT SUPERVISION REQUIRED

Rich had his Sam’s Club privileges revoked early in our marriage but, apparently, over the weekend while I was away he went sneaking around and either found the card that stays hidden under lock and key or he paid for a new membership, which I wouldn’t put past him. The reason I know he’s been to Sam’s Club is this: Richs_nuts_1                                     

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      The first time he went during our engagement he bought: an 18 foot diameter trampoline, a basketball hoop, a fooz ball table, and 48 quarts of blue GatorAid. He did buy a football field size tarp to cover the trampoline for winter storage and that item, in pieces and covered up with that tarp, quickly became Southeastern Michigan’s West Nile headquarters as well as home to no fewer than 4 raccoon families. When we took a trip up north in the R.V. our first summer together he bought 5 cases (36 bottles per case) of Fruit-O water which is the foulest tasting stuff ever put in a bottle. He said (hurt feelings), "I though you would like that. You know, it’s just like that Perrier lime water you drink." Another time when he was trying to be helpful and sympathetic to perimenopausal problems on the homefront he bought 4 gross of generic tampons. size miss junior petite virginal. Now, despite what Dooce  has been saying, in some cases, size matters. Last October he ALMOST bought- he had them holding the last one!- the "world’s most wonderful gardening shed with solar windows and window boxes and it’s made in Holland and it’s really big, come see, come see, you’re definitely going to want it!" He hit a weak spot so off we went to view a 20 ft by 35 ft Little Tykes molded plastic garden playhouse with  thick plastic "solar windows" and bright red plastic window boxes and a giant plastic barrel for potting soil. I was speechless. He said, "You don’t like it…" and all I could say was, "well, it’s sort of, hmm, BIG. And plastic. But it’s very nice…"   

I’m seriously shopping challenged in the other direction; I twitch and have small seizures in shopping malls and Home Depot and especially Target. I only need two kind of stores- yarn and plant nurseries. The rest I can find in a catalog or get on eBAY (NWT! Eileen Fisher Silk Mosaic Pants, size S! That’s me bidding against you.) Do you have a problem with your husband going shopping? More to the point, do you have an event that calls for 18# of salted peanuts?  Send your address…                                                                                                                                                                   

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8 responses to “ADULT SUPERVISION REQUIRED

  1. Hey, what I want to know is, when do we get the story of how you guys met???

  2. Hmm… I love Costco! (sams is too far away from where I live. Costco is just round the corner). The trick is to bring a shopping list and stick to it, no matter what. Oh, and we’ve just gone through an enormous bag of pistachios (sp?) They make great treats for kids!

  3. It’s coming. I’m still gathering some thoughts on caring for parents that I may send over to S,C and A. But the Rich and Vicki story is one of my personal favorites- naturally.

  4. I laughed until my stomach hurt!!!!

    My problem exactly. But now that he’s banned from the stores he’s discovered Goodwill and the like. Just this week he came home with four huge crates of old records, a couple of bags of books, five sweaters (and it sure isn’t snowing here), 3 old pictures, etc. I’m going to have to get rid of the truck so he can’t purchase so much at one time. I’m plotting against it. I go out and glare at it to let it know it’s in trouble.

    It’s in their DNA. I swear it is. Something gene from the prehistoric age nags them to go out and hunt down a mammoth, so they go out roaming and drag home the biggest thing they can find (like a bag of Cheetos), drop it in the middle of the living room floor and wait for us to skin it or something.

  5. I don’t know if it technically qualifies as a “problem” with my husband going “shopping,” but eBay has given my dear soulmate the opportunity to bid on a tractor in the hills of Kentucky (not ours)and a chapel organ from Washington (now ours).

  6. Audrey- since I own a 40 year old mint condition 28′ Airstream travel trailer named Priscilla purchased on eBay and furnished an entire Florida home on eBay we can’t really open that Pandora’s Box for discussion…sorry, it doesn’t count as shopping problem.

  7. Rats! I’m sure you are in cahoots with my dear hubby on this one! 🙂

  8. I was going to ask if you had your E-bay privileges revoked after the Priscilla incident, but I guess that’s different (according to your previous comment). 🙂

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